I don't know where to start with this. First I want to say sorry to my friends on here. I never meant to ignore any of you, but I've been ignoring you all, and I'm so, so sorry. My sister is letting me use her computer, well more like a notebook, so I can finally go on here when I thought my friends would be. I'm so lonely. All I ever do is work now. I told on girl I'm friends with how good I'm doing and to a point it was true, financially, but I never go out with anyone. She hasn't written me back either, and I can't blame her. I pretty much told her that I couldn't get on here because of my computer crashing back in April. My sister only let me recently start using her's, like today. I feel horrible doing that to my friend. I managed to e-mail her a few weeks ago and she never wrote me back. I know I probably broke some rule on here, but I gave her my cell number and I don't think she contacted me on it. I'm not sure because I did get a call trhat came up as restricted, the onlycall I've gotten in at least 2 months on it.The one before hat was just a co-worker asking me what I did with the drill. I think I pretyy much p#$@^d off the only friend I managed to keep in contact somewhat with and feel horrible about it. I think part of my problem was that I latched too much on her. Her and had been through, to a point, similar experiances. Not so much what happened, but how no one would believe either of us when we told we were being abused. I'm not about to say anything about hers on this blog, but my old man beat on me, but what hurt more was him saying I was stupid, an a-whole, worthless, a mistake. What's even worse is that even though it was only him being a dick, I believed him, so I never finished college, don't think that I could ever get a beatifull, kind decent woman for a gilfriend, so I usually try for the fat, desperate ones. Truth is I am that loser now that he called me all the years growing up. Because of that, who'd wantme anyway? If I don't feel like I'm worth anything, who else would either. I wish I was desperate enough to kill myself. People think that killing yourself is the worst possible thing you could do, but being in turmoil between what you think is true, and hoping that your pathetic worthless existence will imporove is even worse because you don't get better at all, you just survive. aOne way or nanother it will end for me. Either I'll somehow get better, or I'll finnally put that knife through my chest. Either would be an improvement over how I am now. If my friend I was more specifically talking about earlier see's this, I'm so, so sorry.
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Tuesday 26th June 2012: D-Day
patnatharry, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, Therapist, Therapy, 0
After months of feeling like crap and having my husband nag me to see a Dr, today was D-Day....
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Really boreddd………..
Aspiretodream, , Depression, Career, Grief, Relationships, 1
I am basically LD when it comes to social skills. I LOVE being social, but I'm horrible at it....
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“Funny like our loving doused in gasoline…” – Mason Jennings, “Bullet”
thebadkitty, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Psychosis, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, 0
I am not going to f@ck this up. Not tonight… My dealer’s been calling, again. I don’t answer. I...
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Thoughts on “chatting”
xillah, , Depression, Questions, Sex Therapy, 3
It's been a really long time since I last wandered into a chat room. Months. I used to frequent...
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Faults
JipCJeanne, , Depression, Addiction, Anger, Career, Child, Domestic Abuse, Relationships, Weight Loss, 0
Fault! We, as the emotionally challenged,always seem to find fault in everything. And you can tell me to speak...
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Good Friday
SullenGirl76, , Anxiety, Depression, Sleep Disorders, 1
For the first time in nearly a week, I was able to get some good sleep last night. And...
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Awake Again
pepsikaren, , Depression, Child, Sleep Disorders, 0
Well – today I woke up at 1:00 a.m. instead of 2:30. It seems that instead of getting better,...
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Another One…
Jason01, , Depression, 5
I’m so exhausted, but I am supposed to stay strong and keep pushing for the ppl that “care” about...