I am basically LD when it comes to social skills. I LOVE being social, but I'm horrible at it. I can get all goofy when I'm around close family, but as soon as someone from the outside enters in the fun stops. It's quite a draggg…….

I feel retarded most of the time, like maybe I don't have a necessary chunk of my brain that everyone else has. I'm walking around with half a brain! At least that's the way I feel. But I don't get it sometimes, sociallizing I mean, because even though I do like being social, I like being alone more, and that's so weird with all the people I know, because they act like they couldn't imagine having to actually be alone! I just don't get the point of socializing. Nothing gets done that way. IDK I'm just so tired of feeling like a freak!

I must have the brain of an 8 year old. Everyone treats me like I'm so fucking immature. I know I'm not up to par with all the other 20 year olds, but geez, I'm not that immature. I wish I knew someone whom I could look up to that was mature, so I could learn how to be mature.

I messed up really bad when I was 18. I moved out from my moms, not to get my own apartment, but instead to live with my boyfriend and his parents. His parents are great and everything. I love them to death. But they act like 12 year olds. I'm not even joking. My boyfriends Mom acts like she is his best friend. She doesn't make him do anything. I know it's so wrong to expect her to make me do the things I'm supposed to be doing, but idk I guess I just expect her to act like a mom…..

She doesn't make my boyfriend do anything either and anytime I try to speak up and tell him to do somethign she'll step in and talk about how he is just a boy and boys don't like to do things and blah blah blah. He gets power from her, so he feels like he doesn't have to do anything.

One example even if it isn't that big of a deal:

So like 4 days ago I did my boyfriends laundry (like I always do of course) and I simply asked him to put them up because his clothes basket was taking up room in our bedroom, and we have a tiny bedroom. So he was like, OK. Well… one day later and they're still sitting here, right next to me, right now, as I type. It's pathetic that I don't have the strength to just make him do it.

I'm always the one cleaning up and doing laundry and taking care of the animals and I have a job! That brings up a whole nother issue. He goes to school…. 3 days a week! so he feels like he doesn't have to get a job or do anything around the house… all because he goes to school 3 days out of the week. I work 4 days out of the week, so I just don't fucking get it. When I go to school this summer, while he'll no doubt "take a break" and not do anything all summer, I'll still have to work 4 days out of the week.

He just doesn't seem to get it and I'm at a loss for what to do to make him get it.

Maybe I'm just retarded. Like they say stupidity is doing something over and over again expecting different results, and that basically sums me up. I think I should leave him, but I'm scared of never finding anyone ever again…. I feel stuck! What do you think I should do?


1 Comment
  1. sheilafoley3 13 years ago

    Hi Aspiretodream,

    I don't know what you should do.  But is someone around you making you feel like you are stupid and immature?  Did you grow up getting those messages?  Because I see you as very insightful and to me that takes some level of intelligence and maturity.  I think you will figure out what to do and in time be brave enough to make the changes you decide upon.  I hope this was a little helpful.  Please take care of yourself.


    0 kudos

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