Im waking up to another day and again im feeling ok…i saw the doctor and he gave me a months supply of the anti depressants, i think they are really helping me , along with me relalising that i cant have everything i want, i do need to fight hard to stay away from drugs and temptation and thats just the way it is and im going to have to take things slowly to re-build my life. Theres nothing i can do about any of these thing-thats just the way things are.

I found out today that i guy i used to know growing up then got to know again a few years ago through selling drugs was shot dead. He was only 25…. seems people are dropping like flies around this country. My heart goes out to his family  and it makes me appriciate my own family so much more and the fact that none of us have been hit(directly) by a tragedy like that. I know C had brothers and sisters and i cant imagine how they feel. i love my own brothers like nothing else and am so close to the one who is in prision. I talk to him almost every day for a hours sometimes and see him every week. I miss him….. ALOT. I can only hope and pray that when he gets out in about 2 years time i will be in a much better place in my life and able to help him. I hope he can help himself too and not slip back into that old lifestyle that has led him to prision in the first place. I wasnt close to C and he wasnt a friend but hearing he's dead has made me feel really sad, its such a sick twisted world out there and it can happen  to anyone at any time-as i learned in 2006/2007. they were two sad years for me, so many people died. so many people. Things happened that i will never forget………ever and if i dwell on them i know il get really depressed again, i have to keep remberering that I cant change the past, no one can so all i can do is try and make the future better.

anyway i am addicted to shopping and buying clothes so there is so much stuff all over my room i can barely get in the door so im going to tidy it all up and sort it out. I know its only something small to be doing but its making me feel good that i even have that slight bit of motivation to do it!

Hope everyone is doing good. xx



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