So today my brothers mother-in-law wanted to talk to me about the happenings of yesterday. Her wanting that alone told me it wasn't going to be good for my side. She pretty much started saying that all she wants to do is talk, not discuss it and never look back on it. I don't even wanna talk about it so why would I want to look back on it? Ah yes because I love looking back on the days where I feel like killing myself in any brutal matter.

So she goes on talking. I'm still an emotional wreck and can break down crying at any minute so I'm not looking at her. Just eating my sandwich, nodding my head, mmhmm-ing and what not. Then I try to explain that as far as I knew fabric softener was another type of detergent. I never used it and that I probably started sounding argumentative because it felt like she was rediculing me for not knowing wtf fabric softener was/is. So on and on and on, back and forth, she starts getting louder. I'm not going to stoop to her level so I grit my teeth. Holding back from telling her to shut her damn fucking mouth and back off of me because I may have depression and she might also but that doesn't mean we think in the same way. I want to die on a daily basis. I think of ways to kill myself all the time. Something different all the time. Different way, different place, different time. So her and I…no not alike no matter how much she thinks so.

Anyways, Alisha, my sister-in-law, was there and thankfully stopped the bitch from discussing it further. I lovingly held back, digging what little of nail I have on my fingers into my skin as hard as I can to the point that I was shaking and near bleeding. 

She, not Alisha, stated that she didn't want to walk on eggshells. Well I'm glad for her! A round of applause for her. She NEVER walks on fucking eggshells so I don't know what she's talking about. If she is they eggshells made of play-doh. I on the other hand am walking on pits of tar that are on fire. Whose the one with a deep bruise on their face from hitting themselves, her or me? Yeah I'm pretty sure it's me considering I see it all the time in the mirror. 

I'm so tired of trying to be nice to her. I don't say shit and I'll continue to do so. Now I'm going to do what my mom suggested and go workout. I'm gonna go enjoy Jillian Michaels kicking my ass in the company of my own room and my little buddy Spike.


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