So I have been back to work for two days now. My therapist had written me an off work note. I am so glad she did. It gave me to refocus. Now I am back….

My first day back, I was pulled into the office for a meeting.. Oh boy.. I hate meetings.. I get hives, pick the skin off my fingers… try not to cry.. I hate meetings, and the bosses know this. As I walked int he door, I was told, your not in trouble. WHEW! I almost cry from the release of tension. In this meeting, I was told they are going to change my hours back… on July 1st….THAT IS SO FAR AWAY! this is screaming in my head over and over.. I cant do it.. I need my routine.. my routine.. OMG.. just give me back my regular time! I cant say these things.. I will sound crazy, and I cant let them know how crazy I feel.They are telling me that everything is going to get better, that I just need to watch my attitude (right) and keep my mouth in check.. and not be late… and not miss any more days of work( is this possible?!)

They have promised these things to me before.. that everything will change, that they have my back, that they know how hard it is for me.. and this isnt even about my OCD! It has all been about my boss, and how she plays with my head.. and twists everything. 7 YEARS! I am not sure if I can believe them. They have broken promises before.. is this different? I dont dare hope. I wont let my guard down this time…. should I? I am not sure how much longer I can pretend to be normal.. I feel all twisted. sometimes I cant seem to figure out what I am doing, why I am standing here.. I get so confused it scares me. Is it possible that my OCD has gotten so much worse, but in just the span of three weeks? I feel so out of control…


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