So the fight from last Friday continued tonight . Pretty much more accusations of things I don't do & them denying everything I said as usual & then I got a sermon from my dad on top of everything else! Which annoys me because of the things he has done & continues to do it is all just an act he can say all the right words but outside of church he is Totally different & not just some of the time all the time…I get that people aren't perfect but it is like he has 2 seperate lives!!! Although this time I broke down & cried in front of them something I very rarely ever do….so I am sobbing like can't breath,my chest is doing that weird thing that happens when you are hysterical & they just keep blasting away like nothing is happening…what the heck? They just sincerely don't give a damn anymore about me or my feelings! And then they accuse me of being disrespectful I am crying my eyes out the last thing I want is to make it worse let alone I can't even hardly get a breath!!!!!! I got up took my doggy upstairs & cried for 20 more minutes…my heart felt like it was gonna break in a million pieces & kill me & honestly I was hoping it would just kill me then & there & end my pain but it didn't . The Only good thing is they have agreed to pay for 4 more weeks of counseling & then I have to find a way which I am stressed out about but it is better than next week at least. I will be seeing her on Wednesday again . And I may have found a support group that isn't to far only about 30 minutes away… although my parents are against that as well even though it is only 2 times a month & it is totally free but what is new! The biggest thing was there attitude & non caringness about my well being!! I have told myself a million times not to expect anything from them but it always ends up that I do & then I get hurt again . Hoping to find a job 2 days a week that I can use the money from to pay for counseling just wish I had more time 4 weeks isn't that long. And with my various medical problems on top of the anxiety & o.c.d it is gonna be harder I imagine! So if anyone lives near lancaster, pa & needs a babysitter send me a message I would really appreciate it or a friend of yours I can give you info to pass on to them…thanks!

2 Comments
  1. LillyMunster 9 years ago

    Oh, I\'m so sorry you\'re going through this :(. I have a very dysfunctional family as well. I don\'t know everything that is going on but if you are sincerely unhappy, which it sounds like you really! are, and your parents are very, very abusive, the best advice I can give is GET OUT!
    I lived with my parents abuse for years and years until I finally just got up and left. I had to live with my boss for a couple of months, but eventually I moved in with my aunt. and I have NEVER BEEN BETTER! You probably shouldn\'t move out impulsively like I did if that\'s what you decide, infact, just don\'t do it all. Plan this out, and find a family member you can live with, if you at all possible!
    No one deserves to be unhappy!

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  2. yorkielover 9 years ago

    Thanks for all the support guys I really needed & appreciate it!!! U are all right my dad is my biggest problem…besides being a hypocrite I am pretty sure he did bad things to me when I was little that is why I really don\'t want to leave my current counselor it was hard enough telling her & has taken months for me to get some of the things I have remembered/thought out to her!!! I don\'t want to start all over again :(. Their may be the option of a payment plan I will talk to her about it this week. She isn\'t the problem at all it is my parents mainly my dad. In the end if it comes to going somewhere else instead of not going anywhere I will have to I can\'t do this on my own. Just hoping & praying that I find a job & can pay for it…I called about a job today but the position had already been filled so feeling a little let down at the moment. Thanks again :).

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