I dont think I am getting better. With all the meds im on and the drs i seem to be getting worse. I have no intention of trying to lose weight that i promised myself i would do. I look at my son and think "he is mine" "your a mom" and he is 9 and i still have not taken it in. I dont know who i am or what i want to do with my life. I am going to be thirty this year and im nothing. I dont want to here anyones advice. No one knows whats in my head what struggle goes on.  I dont want to leave my house i dont want to leave my bed. I cant think of a reason to do so. Yes i know my son needs my but he doesnt need a messed up mother. He has already started with aniexty —–look what i have done to him. He watches me take 6 pills every day to end up like this. pretending to be someone im not i cant keep up the fake fisad. there is no one to help me. i have no friends if i wanted to take about something i have to blog or journal cause i have no friends that is sad …… closests friends are my dogs. I wake up every morning with stomach ache and headache.  I have run out of hopes and dreams. I can not sit and watch a tv show and not think about my pathetic life. I live thru tv wishing some of those shows could be my life. I believe sleeping is the best part of life. I do not see life getting better …..i am lost..