I dont think I am getting better. With all the meds im on and the drs i seem to be getting worse. I have no intention of trying to lose weight that i promised myself i would do. I look at my son and think "he is mine" "your a mom" and he is 9 and i still have not taken it in. I dont know who i am or what i want to do with my life. I am going to be thirty this year and im nothing. I dont want to here anyones advice. No one knows whats in my head what struggle goes on.  I dont want to leave my house i dont want to leave my bed. I cant think of a reason to do so. Yes i know my son needs my but he doesnt need a messed up mother. He has already started with aniexty —–look what i have done to him. He watches me take 6 pills every day to end up like this. pretending to be someone im not i cant keep up the fake fisad. there is no one to help me. i have no friends if i wanted to take about something i have to blog or journal cause i have no friends that is sad …… closests friends are my dogs. I wake up every morning with stomach ache and headache.  I have run out of hopes and dreams. I can not sit and watch a tv show and not think about my pathetic life. I live thru tv wishing some of those shows could be my life. I believe sleeping is the best part of life. I do not see life getting better …..i am lost..

2 Comments
  1. melski420 13 years ago

    WOW..AS I was reading that it sounded like it was coming from my own head. except that i do not have a child and instead of dogs its my cats..my cats were looking at me with somuch compassion in their eyes as their mommy cut herself for the first time. stupid as it may sound, i think they, and only they stopped me from pressing a little bit harder of the razor. thank god for them

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  2. jenieve79 13 years ago

    yes i thank god for my son and my dogs … when he is in school they are all i have when i am thinking about hurting myself my yorkie always knows it amazes me …. not to mention pet are reliable and dont give shitty advice

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