I'm a lesbian youthful looking over 40.  I've been "out" since the early eighties and none of it has been easy.  It still isn't easy

I've yet to meet any supportive queer women.  I've had to go through this tough & arduous journey with little support too .  Most of the women which I've crossed paths with just don't give a damn!  So it's been real painful.  Full of emotional pain.   As a woman of color it was even more difficult, climbing up Mt. Everest would have been easier than my life as a gay woman.  Totally bites! 

I've met women who were down right rude to me, have put me down, teased me merciously,bullied me,gave me the "mean mug" meaning the real dirty look that lets you know that your not welcome especially if your speaking to one of "her" friends.  The shit ain't right. 

Now myself, I've never been one that believed in this segregation nonsense I mean what the hell did my forebearers march,die,get chewed up by German Shepard dogs,get beat by police do all this for? 

So that I can live FREE to live any way that I please, talk to anyone that I please without nary a worry about the color of my skin.

It's been so brutal !  I haven't been with any queer women since 1990. 

I live real isolated with only my elderly Mom.  My Dad passed away a couple of years back.  The siblings are all from different Mothers & the majority of them have substance abuse problems,are extremely self centered meaning if I do hear from them (which is never) then its usually that they want something & thats usually is money.

So not only is being gay hard but being african american is like a real bad curse .  And if one is not strong mentally the only option is usually suicide.

Its that serious.  I've had nothing but YEARS of disrespect from other lesbians IN ANY ARENA OF LIFE.  The 12 step programs, going out alone, or just being ignored like I'm a lampost.   I live in Seattle one of THE worst cities to live if your lesbian & non white.  No one gives you a chance

Clearly this is painful to type out .  I'm still going strong but its hard!  I have no friends to hang out with.  And I'm not into just hanging out within my own ethnic origin I like all races as long as the women are working towards positive goals,are emotionally healthy with a good sense of self & humor and not into engaging into destructive patterns.  Because I have nothing to do with a woman who acts out in a destructive manner.

I just don't have time for that and I won't be bothered with this type of woman.  I've had women who have emailed that were so low class that I immediately cut their ass lose & wished them well.  Don't want or need that kind of shit in my life.  Remember ladies your judged by the company that you keep.

Before coming to a close I also need to add that Seattle has the WORSE support for lesbian women.  We are clearly overlooked & underserved.

If your struggling in the social arena no one really cares .

Oh well at lease I have prayer.




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