With each breath- a few seconds go by.  When I sigh, it’s a few seconds more.  During this time my heart pounds, hands shake, exhaustion is their mate.  I can’t help hearing the sweet sounds of the birds in my yard, maybe calling for their mate or just enjoying the sun.  I, in my chamber of fear and desolation feel pain in my arms, head,  neck and shoulders.  Sometimes the muscle of my heart feels the physical duress of my mental anguish.  And all along I endure these feelings and do nothing about it because I am scared.  Why do I make the choices that I do?  Did I actually know with full faculties that the decision I made was something that I truly wanted.  This decision has had a profound affect on my soul.  I thought this was going to be a good thing but it has soured, left deflated like the giant air balloon left blowing in the wind on the ground.  Why must I do all this work when it’s another person causing most of this duress.  Am I being selfish?  Through sickness and health…..what was I thinking?  I have morphed into a twisted, angst ball of pain.  I hold the responsiblity for my pain-I am the one who can walk away even though my romantic nature never wants to give up.                                                                                              

 

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