I'm so fucked up. I feel so inadequate in every way possible. I feel alone in every sense of the word. Life continues to beat me down. Any bit of optimism is swiftly crushed by the world around me. I have never felt more lost and alone than I do right now. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I try so hard to be a good person yet bad things continually happen to me. I don't know how to fix my life. My grades in school suck. My best friend moved away. My hours at work are shit because it is winter. I cry everyday now. I feel so utterly alone. I feel so distant from everyone around me. I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't turn off my thoughts. It may sound stupid or strange but sometimes I fantisize about going insane or being a sociopath. I just want to release the incredible amount of pain and anger I feel that is bottled up inside me. Not in the homicidal kind of way. I would however love to feel nothing. What life continues to prove to me is that emotions are nothing but a burden. None of the good emotions are currently present in my life it seems like so i'd just be doing away with the painful ones. I'm tired of caring, i'm tired of having such a big heart making the feeling of emptiness that much more present and unbearable. I just wish it would all go away. I have no plans for my life, I will probably end up alone, and the disappointment is just consuming me. If I was to die tomorrow I would not be able to say life was worth living. I just want tobe happy but to be quite honest I can't even recall feeling.

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