It is almost 1.30am here and I am wide wake and really peed off and fed up. I have been asking my bf help with a presentation I need to do in a few days time. I have been struggling with it all day, not really making any progress, and thats because i have never done anything like this before, and I havent got a clue how to do it, how it works or what is expected of me!! So he keeps saying he will help, but he keeps wandering off topic. Then when he decides he wants to help me he turns on the tv!!! he knows i cant concentrate when the tv is on – i find i am ok if the radio is on, but even then it depends on what i am concentrating on! then he because he is distracted by the tv he stops halfway through his sentences and forgets what he was talking about, just making me confused in the process. And then when I ask him a question he gives me useless answers because he wasn't listen to what I had to do in the first place. I just get the overwhelming feeling that he is a waste of space. and its so infuriating!!! Then he decides to go shopping and cook dinner (yes lovely but its no 9.30pm – far too late for me to eat, so now i am wide awake at silly o'clock and he is fast asleep) I am screaming a long line of explict words inside my mind right now, aimed at him! then when I finally get back onto the presentation he decides to give more 'advice' which is useless. It feels like he hasnt listened to word I said (so cliched i know) and it really does feel like he has been disrespecting me all night long. Then to top it off, after dinner I asked if I should wash or dry, (showing that I wanted to do it as a team…together….) and he said no dont bother doing it today, leave it until tomorrow. Which means, I'll be in work all day so you can wash them or leave them there all day and then in the evening we are out with our youth group so they wont get done anyway!!! Which really REALLY REALLY annoyed! I mean all day sunday I spent the day cleaning the kitchen and the living room – ok there are still things that need to be done, but I made a start and its a hell of a lot better now compared to last week, and I cooked an entire roast dinner and did all the washing up yesterday, and all the washing up he had left me before he went on his course over the weekend!!! and he cant be bothered to help me wash or dry tonight, 3 things!!! I couldnt believe it. After all the arguements where I have said as long as we keep on top of things I will be ok – i wont get so ratty and depressed but I need your help to keep on top of it. And he would say yes i agree! what a complete and utter liar!
It really feels like he doesnt give a crap about me!!! I am so angry right now, I mean who does he think I am, a door mat he can walk all over, or his mother!!! i dont think so!!! What utter crap! It may well seem like this is nothing to you dear reader, but it feels like a whole lot to me. It feels like all the progress I made as a person last week to have a normal routine and all the progress we made as a couple has been washed away in one evening!!! I am soooo fed up. I just want to scream at him and let rip. I wish i could use my punch bag – lord knows that is what i need right now (the punchbag he promised to put up several weeks ago but still lays on the floor i might add!) But my sister has stayed over and is in the same room as the punch bag – so that is a no-go!! the more i think about it, the more i realise all the things he says and doesnt do – all the empty promises, all the empty intentions. He is just one big liar spouting mouthful of nonsense after mouthful of nonsense!
N.B. Please dont feel like you have to leave a comment, again it felt good just to vent!!