I don’t know why I’m saying it here.No one will care.I just feel so alone like I don’t have anyone and writing about it makes me feel one percent betfer.And I guess I need it out in the open.

I want to go vomit.I feel so inferior to everyone right now.I feel like this will help. I’m scared of vomiting but I don’t know maybe this will help.I feel so confused and weird today.I really don’t know what to do.But this is the third time I thought about vomiting in all my life and the second time within a month and a half.Maybe if I try it once it will be better and I won’t be scared anymore.

I really want to do this nice,healthy,clean.But that road is harder than this one that I can take right now.I’m so desperate to feel better that I feel myself gravitating towards the easier road.I don’t know what to do or how to stop it.

I’m just thinking,I’m done.This has to end somehow.How longer will I pretend everything is fine,how long will I play stupid and laugh and smile when I’m crumbling inside.Because I feel like everything inside me is rotten.I can’t handle any of this.I try to make myself understand that I have to fight alone and that I don’t need anyone but it doesn’t work.And it really needs to work.I just can’t anymore.