Well brief sum up of stuff.

Had transient ischaemic attack 15 years ago, brain bleed . Was 32 and a RMN Psychiactric nurse/ therapist, worked in elder care, adult psychiatry, briefly in family, and specialised in addiction . My method was client centered and group therapies I used an assortment of methods.

I have 2 sons now 24 and 22 the eldest suffers from depression too and the youngest has been on drugs, alcohol and to jail twice once at xmas. He has 2 children my grandchildren He is out of trouble now and looking for work. Him and his partner are expecting another babie.

I m happily married my partner is 63 sixteen years my senior she is disabled with many back and spinal problems and in constant pain, we look after each other and are as in love as we ever where. Together for 21 years now and married for 19 L has 3 children all in there 40's I have 3 stepgrandchildren.

After the brain bleed I lost my job, my speech was clumsy and I found it hard to work stuff out cognitively a lot of symptoms remain including getting lost even in familiar places. I soon  plummeted into clinical depression seeing in black and white at one point, we had to sell the house, no money. We moved to our retirement house lucky we had that. However it was dilapidated but we moved in it took years for my pension to pay out. it did and we got in the builders its ok now but no money if anything happens to the houses roof etc.

When depressed i have constant morbid thoughts about family and friends, the world and myself having cancer etc et creally suffer from despair,  and have terrible nightmares. I am on top whack of medication even so i still have episodes which I fight.

Ive been tried on nearly all medications and now am managed on Mirtazepine.

4 years ago i was hospitalised with what looked like a large cancerous tumour in my left testicle!! I was told it was most certainly cancer… had my teste removed surgically, nice name they call it an orchidectomy!! Oh yeah the day I was booked in my youngest boy came to see me, the next day he went to jail. We waited 2 weeks for biopsy results came, 2 long weeks with the grim reaper sitting next to me. They were clear i was relieved mega angry and still frightened, end of next summer i had a big big breakdown. extremely suicidal  so I was drugged with lots of valium….. camped out on the setee muttering and weeping and rambling. My son had been terrorising us for months. With his chaotic life etc etc.    He cooled a lot when he saw the state I was in  I calmed and slowly up again. I started conservation voluntarily lovely scenery really hard work exhausting the next March on Friday the 13th!!  I  had a heart attack hospital again , thought I was gonna die, i was diagnosed with a weird heart condition, it goes into spasm when it feels like it, usually when Im resting, angina.

More meds and a gtn spray for angina. Fun however I fight depressive spells regularly but have been levellish for about a year now. Awake again, growing vegetables again, playing guitar again and wanting to be alive. AT LAST

And came back to this tribe of broken hearts all beating to the same tunes.