Well Hey, unless you haven't guessed i'm new at this… lol

Just at the stage now that I will try anything to help… my "craziness" is becoming overwhelming…

I spose it all started when I was about 10 – I dont think I have ever been happy really, I dont have something major to say, nothing has really happened in my life, so I cant understand or justify why I am this way… all I know is that I am…. I am a smiler, I always have been, look so together on the surface, yet totally broken under it.

When I was younger, I would come home from school and just cry.. and cry.. I never really had a reason, I would just cry til I fell asleep, I just thought that behavior was normal… I would have mood swings, but I was a teenager, its what we did.

Then I moved out, started university and my life was brilliant… but I was still sad – still crying. Went to the Docs and got diagnosed with being Clinically Depressed. Funnily enough my whole school years I didnt believe in it, thought that it didnt exist… but here I was – with it. And according to the Doc.. it aint going away anytime soon!

anyways 2 years have passed since then, 2 years including me quitting uni, Ash ripping my heart out and stomping on it, and one 12 month relationship with "the one" that came crashing down, and me having to move my whole life around.

Now I have major anxiety problems, they were only annoying before now its actually ruining my life. I worry about absolutely everything, then I have a panic attack. its not good lol. what is so annoying about it is that I can realise how rediculous I am being… but its still there, worrying I am gonna ruin everything.

anyways I am away to sleep…. comment or mail me… would be nice to know I aint really crazy… or maybe I am? lol

xxx

2 Comments
  1. fschubart 12 years ago

     You're not crazy, although I know how you feel and think I am sometimes. You have a mood disorder. I've spent years questioning "why" and to this day the doc still thinks alot of it is from things that happened in the past, being abused, etc… But it's really not like that. Most of the time there's something that they call "triggers" that set it off, but it is a disorder hun and maybe your mind doesn't processs emotions the way other's call "normal." It doesn't mean you're crazy. With me, if I get dissappointed, I get extremely dissappointed sometimes. Something makes me sad, I'm extremely sad and just want to be dead. It can be controlled, and sometimes it's a long and drawn out process. The one thing if you truly want to do something about it is to keep doing something about it and know there's hope. Those two things are the hardest on me and sometimes I need to shut everything out and focus on those two things. I know my life depends on it, which makes it even harder when I'm feeling like I don't want it anyway. Anyway, welcome to "the tribe" and if you ever need to talk to someone, drop me a line

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  2. ISmile 12 years ago

    omg that is so me… thank you lol!

    The whole tigger thing, that is me exactly, I am fine, until something tiggers me and I get majorly disappointed in people and upset, next thing I know im in tears and want everything to be over, its just not me!

    Sometimes I feel like my disorder is actually taking over my life, im slowly removing everything from my life that triggers it, and im fed up of it.

    I actually get anxious… about being anxious! how is that even possible? lol xxx

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