Last night I hosted an Ann Summers Party. I laid out nibbles, stocked up on drinks and was really looking forward to a good girly evening. Only one problem……………………..finding out I don't actually have any friends. In fact, if it hadn't been for my sister the evening would have consisted of; me, my neighbour and the Ann Summers rep. Luckilymy sister turned up with 5 of her friends from work so things didn't appear so bad but how totally humiliating. The plan wasto go out dancing after the Ann Summerspartybut the children had not given us a relaxing evening causing my neighbour to have to take her children home. Not wanting to be the outsider tagging along with my sister and her friendsand knowing full well that my husband would come home inebriated and in no real fit state to care for the children I sent my sister and her friends out to enjoy the rest of the evening. So what! you may think, it's just one bad evening!, things aren't really that bad! But what about if it happens every time? I once threw a New Years Eve party and once again went to the expense of catering the event only on this occasion absolutely nobody turned up. I recently attended my Uncles 50th birthday party and was stressed by my children all evening whilst my hubbie dearest drank his cares away leaving me to deal with it. My 18th birthday saw me carrying my husband (then boyfriend) back to our hotel in Ibiza where we were vacationing as he was too intoxicated to walk. My wedding preparations saw my so-called best mate (and co-chief bridesmaid) too busy to find time for dress fittings and alterations whilst the other co-chief bridesmaid (my sister) waited until the very lastminute toorganise ahen party resulting in a total of 6 attendees. The wedding day itself consisted of only a handful of obligatory people and was ruined by the atmospherebetween myself and my sisteras she had decided to hold a grudge that day about drunken behaviour the evening before. Oh and of course my newly wedded hubbie stayed true to form and drank!

I feel solonely. My husband asked me what was wrong thismorning and I replied "what's right?" to which he said "you're alive" and I replied "that's not a bonus" he told me not to say that but then I had to ask him what I have to live for? My husbandcan't stay sober so that I can have anight out, my children can't behave and let me havea well earned night off and I haveno friends. I really wish I was someone else.

1 Comment
  1. broken_in_pieces 12 years ago

    I do try to convince myself that I am lucky in that I have a wonderful children and a husband who does look after me on the whole. See, whilst I mention his like of alcohol it is generally only at parties and not like he has a problem. Thing is, I get annoyed that he has to always be the life and sole of the party whilst I get to be the uptight sensible one who looks after the children. I would really like to let my hair down every once in a while but now I've realised, who exactly would I do that with? I have no friends and at the moment I am just getting through each day being a sensible mother, wife and student. All I want to do is scream and rip my way out of this uptight body I've been imprisoned in. I feel it's probably punishment for my rebellious teenage days though they were really short lived being as I had our eldest child when I was just 15. I guess I miss all the things I should have done like going on a girly holiday at 18, taking a gap year and travelling the world, going to university child free and being able to live on campus. I realise I have complicated my own live and have no-one to blame but myself and this is my punishment. I so deperately want to turn back time and do my life all over again 🙁

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