For the past year and a half I have totally not felt like myself.  I used to be really outgoing, fun and was always excited about going out and about.  Then the anxiety happened and I became very introverted and self conscious and became scared about being out in the world.

I started to let the anxiety define who I was.  I felt like I totally lost me…all of my happiness and all of my spirit…everything that made me who I am.  In my mind I just became the anxious person who had nothing else to offer.  I stopped talking to my friends…i quit my job…I stopped living life.

And then my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me in March…he said I had changed b/c of my anxiety and I was no longer the person he fell in love with.  And I was crushed b/c that validated everything I already thought about myself.  That I had nothing to offer…that I no longer was myself…and that being around me was too much work for other people.

And then one day instead of being sad I decided to get mad.  I decided I wasnt going to let this anxiety business ruin my life.  I already wasted almost 6 years of my life not properly grieving the loss of my father (he died when I was 20) which ended up causing me tons of emotional problems.  I became made that for a year and a half I was afraid to live b/c of the unknown.  And I decided that I was still me…and that my loser ex was the one with the problem not me.  Because I am still me…and I am still a great person…and if he couldnt still see that then oh well for him.

Really this past week has been one of my best in a long time.  Both my mom and therapist have mentioned that I even look physically different to them.  That I seem to look healthier and more vibrant…and I feel it too….I want to live a full life and I am determined to force myself every day to do normal things.  Even if I am uncomfortable at first I need to at least try.  And I feel like I am finally ready to really deal with my emotions and let them go….it is time to say goodbye to my dear friend….so long anxiety!!!

Sorry this was a bit long 😛  Just needed to share how excited I am about the future….it feels good to be moving in the right direction!