Starts out with me lining up the shoes a certain way.  Then to the shower…

I didn't think I was ever going to get out of the shower this a.m.  It was one thing after another and I just couldn't do it right the first time, or second, or third, or fouth, or fifth, or sixth ect…

Not because I thought I was not clean enough.  I'm more then clean right now.  Even though I thought the soap was dirty and had to wash the soap off.  Then do all the other crap.  I even stopped to laugh at myself and too tell myself this is silly.  But then the thoughts came flooding in and it made it even worse.

Here's the thought I had:  It's going to snow today, my dad will get into an accident on his way home from work.  I'll never see him again.  My mom will be sad.  You better to do.  Do it right now and do it right.

I tried to ignore it then it started screaming at me.  Not like a voice though.  Like reading a book to myself that got more and more loud.  DO IT!  DO IT NOW!  It's going to happen.  You can change it…

I'm frustrated with myself right now.

Does writing and typing bother anyone too?  Like if you mess up the sentence you have to rewrite the whole thing…  Or when you copy and paste something you have to copy it a certain amount of times?  How about when you read a book or newspaper.  When you get to the end of the sentence you have to read the question mark, the period ect.  Or else it feels like you haven't ended the sentence?  Or you read the same line over and over again.

 RAWH I feel like a frustrated retard…


Bad day, bad day!   

1 Comment
  1. CountTJ 12 years ago

    I have pretty severe reading/writing rituals.  I do different things than you do, but I can sense that our motivations are the same.  It’s kind of nice, because I’ve lived my life (45 years) believing that no one else could enderstand.  Now I know there are others, and it makes me feel better.  If you want to see what I do, it’s all on my profile page.  Just please don’t pick up any new rituals because you hadn’t thought of doing any of the stuff that I do!

    If you want to compare notes,  let me know.   I live a pretty normal existence in spite of it all.  Find your middle ground where you can live with your OCD.

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