I have no friends really. I used to I guess, but that was long ago. I do not have a good life overall. I have no love life, or sex life even right now,and haven’t for too long. So I was already unhappy about that. And then yesterday, I needed to chill after work, and I didn’t get to go out to where I wanted to go either. Then I spoke with my dad on the phone,and he bothered me. I live with my ex and we were getting along better and hanging out as we have on and off over time. And we had a argument tonite on top of me already having been not happy everyday for too long due to not having a love or sex life now. First, yes we aren’t together, but we were going to possibly finally have sex again. I am not always attracted to him,though and it’s a issue when that happens. Tonite I wasn’t actually attracted, and I wanted him to do one more thing than he had done to try to make it better and he didn’t. I had also asked him how attracted he wants me to be to him if or when we have sex. He said it was up to me. I asked him if he meant that I need to be at least a little attracted to him, and if that is okay with me, whatever I said after that, but basically if it’s okay with me to be only a little attracted to him, it’s okay I guess. But he didn’t say that or anything that could have possibly made me understand on his own. He said he didn’t know I was confused.
He didn’t like my attitude at one point, but nevermind anything he may have done that led to or contributed to it if I had one or seemed to then. I am not for sure what I was talking about now, but I said something about a dumbass or you could be a dumbass and understand basically something I was saying. He wasn’t understanding so he took that as he was worse than a dumbass in my mind. He said I haven’t changed a lot more than him when I said I had. Well one thing I stopped usually doing was yelling at him. But it was because he wasn’t going to be in my life if I yelled, and I don’t have anyone else here. I also said at one point that I or people have the right to be mad or whatever sometimes, and he said that was the problem which could put everything on me. I have the right to be mad sometimes, and it is normal to be mad sometimes. I am horrible sometimes and have a temper problem sometimes. But I do still have the right to be angry sometimes. I have dealt for years of him blaming me or coming off that way, and not being truly accountable enough. And I have no one here now as is what happens when we argue but I am tired of this shit and I do not think it will change. It’s been going on for 6 or maybe over 5 years at least. I tried making friends different times but it didn’t happen. I have no car,too since mine got towed awhile ago. I have a job but just started it, and have to see if it works out, and I cannot remotely afford a car right now. My ex may see about getting his Mom’s truck who passed away, but he has to go through legalities if he ever will with that. I don’t get out much either. I work at home, but I would rather. Things are not good. wanting him and anyone else in my life to be accountable, not blame me for everything, understand simple things I say and communicate well is not too much to ask for.
After I posted this, I sent it to him,and all he had to say was “you posted this somewhere?” and that he doesn’t like his bsuiness,and as if it’s not mine,too aired or whatever he said exactly. He is a piece of shit. nevermind how I feel,only caring about his ass and that I posted this and none of you even have a clue who he is,and no one on here even knows me anyway either.He didnt like that I mentioned his Mom. Given what I said, and that no one even has a clue who they are, I dont think it should matter. He even said I proved I’m not trustworthy. And nevermind how I feel, and that I mentioned maybe killing myself earlier. Just be bothered by what I said about so to speak his Mom. It doesnt matter to him that I didnt mention names,but that is beside the point.