How do you enjoy your dream job and a new condo when all you feel is loneliness and sadness inside your heart? When left alone, all I have are worst-case scenario thoughts inside my head. I should be happy and thankful for what I have – but I'm struggling.
I don't want to be living my life alone.
For 4.5 years I invested my love into his heart
Until he gets financiallly stable and develops his career – we shall remain separated (3 months and counting…)
I need him (my best friend) in my life to share the every day experiences of my life with someone – but he made my heart hurt, really bad.
How do you decide to live with someone, leave the country for a month due to work, and then come back to pack your stuff and move out into your friend's basement (Thank goodness you were faithful) – Leaving me in the city all by myself with a rodent infested apartment?
And you wonder why I am so emotionless, angry all the time, have a ton of hatred towards you and find it extremely difficult to say the words I love you…
Thankfully my parents rescued me and helped me find a nice new condo to live in –
I hate feeling unhappy, lonely and sad every single day.
But I still have no friends in this city.
I eat, sleep & breathe loneliness. I'm drowning and can't catch my breath….
This was not how I envisioned living my life.
Once upon a time you rescued me from evil and now you have become that exact evil.
We're trying to remain friends and mend our relationship, but when we're apart, all I feel is resentment towards you – but you already know that. I hate bringing it up and I apologize for the constant guilt – but I am just so damaged by your actions. You took away my hopes and dreams – but most importantly, my smile.
Every day I wake up, go to work, come home, sleep – and repeat this 5 days a week. Every day comes and goes by so quickly that I can't even stop to smell the roses…The last 9 months have been nothing but a blurr of misery.