It's funny how one person can change everything. One person can change your outlook on life, one person can tare everything down, one person can bring complete peace. It kind of made me sit back and realize what one person can really do and how a bunch of one people can change your life and lead you on the right path. I don't know, maybe this is just one of my good days talking, but I've seriously sat down and thought about it all over the past few days.
I've thought about my life, my past, my present and my future. I'm not proud of my past, if I knew the things I know now I would have acted differently, I would have appreciated things more and seen and appreciated the sacrifices people made for me, but then again, if I wouldn't have done those things then I wouldn't be the person I am today. I guess when it comes to life I kind of have the whole butterfly effect outlook. The thing is, when I made my choices, most of them I saw both outcomes, I weighed the concequences and I took the one that I wanted even though I knew it wasn't always the right choice.
It also made me think a lot about other peoples' lives, I'm lucky, my consequences could have been a lot worse, and I've always known this. Considering how my life is, I've always known that it could have been so much worse, I guess I'm just lucky. No matter how horrible things have gotten for me or how horrible they are now, it could be worse. I've really thought about it, I've had a lot of guidence in my life, it wasn't always clear to me at the time, but I've had a lot of it. I've had a lot of people who show me examples of right and wrong; my biological parents are a prime example. My biological father, for all the things he's done and how much he has negitavely effected my life, he has showed me the wrong way to do things, the wrong way to live, the wrong way to be. My mother, as much as I disagree with her, she has shown me the right way to do things, one of the many right ways to live, she's shown me the basics of things that people need in their life to have true happiness. I understand all of that now.
I've looked back at everyone who I've ever known, and there is always two groups of people, people who are mostly good and people who are mostly bad. And it really makes me think about everything, it kind of helps me understand myself, I see my biological parents as being the complete opposite of each other, and I'm part of both of them, I've thought about it, and in the begining of my life I wanted to be like my dad, but I couldn't, then I wanted to be like my mom, and I couldn't. I was too good to be like my dad, and I was too bad to be like my mom. I thought about it for a while, I can't be all good or all bad, I have to have balance. I've realized that in my life, I need to always keep balance in mind. My life has been and always will be a balancing act. And I'm kind of thankful for that, becuase the way I see it, I get to see both worlds without having to choose one.
I also realize that not everyone can balance things, and to some people, balance comes natural to them, they don't even have to think about it. Also, when I think about it, balancing yourself and things in your life is one of the basic things of having true happiness. If you have too much bad then you won't enjoy your life, if you have too much good then you won't appreciate the things you have, but if you have a balance of good and bad then you see it all. You know that things can be worse, you know that there will always be sunny days after the rainy days.
Now if only I can keep all of this in my mind the next time things get out of hand.