Sometimes, like now, I feel like my parents fuel my depression. Maybe it's the environment I let myself live in. I would go on a hiatus if it were possible. I'd leave my life behind. All of the stress, all of the people who just increase my depression. I’d take the pets if I could but traveling or escaping with a pet is a difficult thing to do.
My mom’s anger with the house makes me feel worse. The house is always a mess and the cats aren’t helping the matter. I don’t know where to start in trying to get the house clean. I just don’t know…I really wish I could escape. But where would I go? How would I pay for what I need? I’ve toyed with the idea of going on disability but I fear that will make things harder for me instead of easier. I wish I had the courage to live on my own but I would be without so much: my dog Gracie, my room and all that is in it, other pets we have and the security. And I guess more importantly money. I have very little at the moment. I wonder if applying for disability would make life easier? Would I be able to be independent? Would I be able to do what it takes to be on my own? As of now the answer is no…
I wish I knew where to start in an attempt to build my life. Maybe Google can help…ha!
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