Its seems this is it. The beginning of the end. So it feels. It seems i dont have a porpose. I barely know who i am, i have nothing to live for. My life seems and feels worthless. I have no social or romantic ppart in mylife. No matter how hard i try it always seem to come to the same fact, i will never be happy. Its not that im going to kill myself or give it all up. But sometimes, in time like this, i wonder how would it feel like to take the last breath and let it all go. Maybe thats why i spend so much time on death issues.

My appointment with the counselour was bad. I have to stop with college and look for a job. When i have enough money and feel bettr i can start studying again i guess. I dont know where i am standing or  where i wanna go. It seems im in identity crisis. How can you regain your strenght, self respect and secureness when your whole life you have heard that you are not good enough. While looking at your follow collueges go on with their life and being succesull too and you sinking deeper everytime. Every year a bit more confused, lonely, alone, frustrated, anxious and depressed. I wonder what kind of future is ahead of me.

It seems like nobody will understand, they just believe what they want to believe and judge me without even knowing me. I wish they could walk in my shoes see if they can do it better. I try everyday to make something out of my life, to find passion and to stay positive but why doesnt it go better? Why does it only get worse? Im only 23 but has my time come to leave ithis prison we call life? It does feels that way. It feels like im going to die soon.


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