There are days when I am flying high and things are good. I laugh and cut up and it seems like I have a lead on the path my life will be taking. My head is in the clouds and ideas are zooming. Then all it takes is one negative thing to send me into a tail spin. I try to pull out of it because I can usually identify that I’m crashing, but more times then not, I end up in a heep of emotions. It can be hours, days, weeks, or months before I recover.
Today was one of those days. I had a great time with my son. We went to our favorite book store, drove around, listening to music and talking. In moments of silence I had a thought of an old high school boyfriend and how it was to be seventeen again.
When we got home I got a phone call from my guy. We talked for a while and things circled back to the fact that he wants to stay in his home town and I hate living here. We have been together for almost 6 years, but we just moved to Virginia this summer. He knows I have put off what I want in life to raise my children and now both of my sons are grown. I want to move to a place I love and find a career I want instead of the ones that make enough money to raise my family on. I know we are not promised tomorrow, I’ve seen it enough in my life time. While I love this guy and we even refer to each other as husband and wife, he has never asked me to marry him. He has never been married, he has a problem with the government defining, regulating and taxing people for marring. I know we are heading toward a change in our relationship or a complete end to it. I will either stick my head in the sand until I have had my fill or I will start cocooning and building my wings.