So I have a 4 month old son with my boyfriend. Since the day I found out I was pregnant I said there was certain people in both families that he would and wouldn’t be allowed around simply because of how they are. In my boyfriends family there is this girl that his mom “adopted” (not legally) many years ago. It’s very well known that I don’t like her because of the person she is, how she treats people and the things she does.
When she found out I was pregnant she got all excited thinking I would let her be apart of his life. Me and my boyfriend have had several conversations about why she won’t be and how to handle anything when she’s around his family. So now that my sons here she’s been trying to hold him and everything and I just won’t let her.
The reasons I don’t like her is she smokes weed in front of her kids like literally in the same room. I don’t have a problem with weed but you shouldn’t be smoking it in the same room as your young kids. She has a 6(?) year old boy that she cusses at for everything but her 2 year old little girl gets treated so much better than him. She uses my boyfriends dead brother for sympathy and pity and claims that it was her brother. She would also only come around when she wanted something or needed money. To this day she still only does that.
She thinks I’m being childish and says I need to stop my high school drama because my boyfriend is her brother and my son is her nephew. My boyfriend has told me plenty of times that he don’t claim her as family and how we choose to raise our child is on us. We get to pick and choose who’s around him because we don’t want him growing up like we did.
She don’t watch her kids either. Whenever we’re at his grandfather’s when she’s there, her kids will literally try to mess with my baby. I try to tell them not to get in his face or to leave him alone and they don’t listen at all. My boyfriend has to make them move multiple times because their mom is too busy on her phone to watch them.
I’m always the bad guy when it comes to her. Something gets told and she instantly blames me saying I said something. I’m willing to be the bad guy when it comes to watching who my child is around and how he will be treated, but this is getting kinda old.
Am I wrong for not letting my kid be around somebody like her ? I don’t feel like I am but being the bad guy for everything is getting on my nerves so much. I’m not going to cave in and let him be around her or have anything to do with her.
No you are not a bad guy for protecting your baby from her children, her smoking, etc. She has shown who she is and it is your job as a parent to protect your baby!
If someone calls you the bad guy, consider it a compliment! It means you are setting boundaries and are doing it well!
That’s how I look at it but it gets so tiring being blamed for every little thing. If she was a different person and acted differently then maybe but I don’t see her changing because I feel like she knows as long as she is how she is then she’ll forever get help from my boyfriends family no matter what
Your primary responsibility is your child not her wants and needs. It’s simple, you don’t like the way she lives. Anyone you let around your babies has influence on them. She and her kids are not a good influence. Bad news is you are a “bad” guy and always will be. Might as well own it. In time the fruit of your efforts will be apparent. Others often feel the same as you but are afraid to step up. As you raise the bar others will either try to
accommodate your request/directive or be excused from your presence. My daughter had to do that with her mother. She has 4 daughters. Mom would be drinking a lot around her babies. She asked me. I told her to let her mom know she would not be bringing her children around, and why.
A while later her mom renegotiated and no longer imbibes when she has an opportunity to see her grand kids. I told my daughter that includes me or anyone else. Her responsibility is to her family. And if she is able include other s