Hey hey!

So today was a pretty good day. I recently got hired for security at a casino, and it takes awhile for the hiring process to go through. I have to apply for a gaming license and wait for HR to get back to me and everything. Anyways, it has been taking forever to hear from them, so I called the manager to make sure all my paper work was being processed and he said yes everything is just all backed up so it is going through not to worry about it… if only it were that easy. I've had a stomach ache about it since the minute he told me I had the job because I hate waiting. But today, I was talking to my boyfriend and I was telling him how I hate that I am so nervous about it, and he just hugged me and told me I knew I had the job and if I thought about it, there really was not a reason to be so worried about it. So I thought about it when I was sitting there thinking about it with him, and he really was right. It made me feel so much better that he did not just blow it off, he made me feel so much better. We've been together for 11 months.. he's such a good guy <3

After this all I got a phone call from my mom. I don't talk to my mom much when I'm away at scvhool because she stresses me out so much, Her and my dad are usually fighting and when she calls me it is usually to tell me about how unbelieveable my father is, or to tell me all her money struggles. I get soo stressed talking to her and I know its not her fault, she has no one else to talk to, but it just gets over whelming sometimes. Tonight was different though.. she called me and was crying at first, which made me nervous but she was just saying how much she misses me and can't wait until I come home. Which is always nice to hear, from anyone I think. Then we got to talking about my dad and instead of her talking about them fighting like usualy she told me all about how much she loves him and how she's excited to spend the rest of her life with him 🙂 it really just made me happy. They have been through a lot… like a lot a lot.

My mom has bi-polar disorder. She went pretty much my entire childhood without a diagnosis or medication and it was really bad. she would have psychotic break outs and my parents were constantly violent with each other and I spent soo much of my time just tip toe-ing around waiting for the next fight to break out, God it just felt so good to hear her talk like that. It's been like 5-6 years since my mom has been diagnosed and I swear she is a completely different person. It's inspiring. Its also sort of beautifull… its like I've gotten to see her at her absolute worse and it made me get to my worst point, but she came back from it and I was able to forgive her for the things she put us through. and just hearing her talk like that, it just makes me feel like things are okay. Like I can stop worrying about my parents when I leave the house because aside from the fact that its not my place to worry, things are really going to be okay 🙂

I feel like I can go to bed tonight with weight off of my chest. Like I can breathe a little easier than usual. My mom knows the things they put us through as kids is probably where my anxiety stems from, and its like I totally agree, and I still love her to death, its funny how things can be that way.

Anyway, It's time to get some rest… I hope you all have a great night, and can sleep well. I love you all for reading my blogs and for caring enough to comment. I'm here for anyone who needs someone. Smh, I am new to this website and I feel like it is going to move mountains for me 😀 goodnight all!