I was sitting and thinking the other day – If I could go back and relive any day of my life, what day would that be? I can think of a whole lot of days that I wish I could erase and things I did I wish I could undo, but that's not the way it works, is it? I can't change the past. I can't go back in time. I can't stop reliving certain days in my mind over and over and over again, however. Uncook the soup, unscramble the eggs? Impossible! The last time I saw Elissa was in London. I remember lying in bed next to her and how much we both cried about my having to ship out the next morning. I remember the train station (I guess it was Victoria) that morning, that horrible, horrible morning. Deep down I guess that I knew that was the end, the last time that I'd ever see her. A few months later came the incident that shattered my shoulder. I never put on a uniform again. I never saw Elissa again. I don't know what the hell the point of writing this is. I should just erase it. Well, I don't really talk much anymore so I'm going to just leave this here. I never would have believed that I would ultimately prove so inept in the face of adversity. Loss hurts. I have lost nothing compared to so many, but what I have lost just kills me. I lost myself. I don't know who or what I am anymore, but I sure as hell am not who I was for 25 years of my life. And, of course I lost Elissa. The pain is supposed to go away. It is all supposed to get easier as time goes by. Not when you live in yesterday, though. I wouldn't want Elissa to ever see me like this.
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Constellations
Elpis, , Anxiety, Depression, 0
I believe in spirit animals and symbols for my family is a prime example. Some are born into it,...
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Tuesday 5th September
Rae264, , Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, Divorce, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Parenting, Relationships, Sexual Abuse, 0
Okay, so life officially sucks. Yesterday I had felt so relieved, validated even, seems like these many years of...
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Tough times
catrek27, , Anxiety, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Child, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sexual Abuse, Sleep Disorders, Therapy, Weight Loss, 1
Like my Mother, I inherited the need to take care of everyone else first, myself last. It is time...
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Manana
TheLifeOfJade, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Depression, Therapist, 1
Tomorrow is going to be both hell and heaven. I get to wake up and drive 30-45 minutes to...
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inside my head
delane1, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Therapist, 2
Well, it all boils down to the fact that things will not change unless we/i change them. Effort has...
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At My Wit’s End
Twiggysiren, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, Career, Grief, Medication, Relationships, Therapist, 0
I can’t take this darkness anymore. I go outside and I see the sun in the sky, it’s really...
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The Up-side
Desviada, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, Therapy, 0
I haven't been on here long, and so far my blogs have been really negative. I guess that's because...
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Q&A
Annabot20, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Teens, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Questions, 0
ok so I kinda wanna do a q&a so I’ll be answering questions tomorrow on a blog and I’m...