I was sitting and thinking the other day – If I could go back and relive any day of my life, what day would that be? I can think of a whole lot of days that I wish I could erase and things I did I wish I could undo, but that's not the way it works, is it? I can't change the past. I can't go back in time. I can't stop reliving certain days in my mind over and over and over again, however. Uncook the soup, unscramble the eggs? Impossible! The last time I saw Elissa was in London. I remember lying in bed next to her and how much we both cried about my having to ship out the next morning. I remember the train station (I guess it was Victoria) that morning, that horrible, horrible morning. Deep down I guess that I knew that was the end, the last time that I'd ever see her. A few months later came the incident that shattered my shoulder. I never put on a uniform again. I never saw Elissa again. I don't know what the hell the point of writing this is. I should just erase it. Well, I don't really talk much anymore so I'm going to just leave this here. I never would have believed that I would ultimately prove so inept in the face of adversity. Loss hurts. I have lost nothing compared to so many, but what I have lost just kills me. I lost myself. I don't know who or what I am anymore, but I sure as hell am not who I was for 25 years of my life. And, of course I lost Elissa. The pain is supposed to go away. It is all supposed to get easier as time goes by. Not when you live in yesterday, though. I wouldn't want Elissa to ever see me like this.


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