Ugh.

Life is ok today. There is snow on the ground. It is cold and dark, most of the day. It's uncomfortable but oh so very fitting.

My girlfriend is in jail for the second time this month for drinking. This time, she's not coming out soon. Her best hope is to get into rehab today.

In 75 days I will have not have taken a single drink in 3 years. Miracle. I pray for the strength to stay sober just for today. It's hard having her gone. She woke up in the morning… kissed me goodbye, and next thing I know her sisters calling me to let me know she has been arrested, again. I went though hell before I decided to get clean. Right now I have so much empathy for her because she is there. But she needs to make that decision for herself. I can't do it for her. And I hate that.

Right now I'm reminding myself over and over that I'm worth something. Breathe deep. All is ok. I have wonderful people in my life who support me… in recovery, at work, at school, and in therapy. I'm at my mom's house right now. I'm going to borrow her car and go get some pet supplies so I can take care of my girlfriends pets until her dad gets into town to board them up. I didn't hear from her at all yesterday. She called once – I missed it because I was having dinner with a friend. I feel bad. But I was so anxious in my apartment I felt like I needed a friend to sit with at dinner just so I could relax and get the food down. So I missed the call from jail while I was eating. Oh well. I don't want to worry about stuff that hasn't even happened yet. Today I have the day off work and I'm going to do the best I can to care of myself.

May all of you do the same.