Today is my first time using this site. I have had depression as long as I can remember. I’m an addict trying to get clean from heroin. Right now I have 3 months. With my sobriety my depression has come back with a vengeance.

I’ve been seeing therapists and psychiatrists since I was a young kid. I never connected with any of them until the one that I’ve found recently, so of course I wasn’t honest with any of them. I have had issues with self harm since I was in middle school. That stopped when I was getting high, but has returned since I got sober. It is kind of embarrassing self harming at the age of 23. I thought I had outgrown it when in honesty I had just avoided it by numbing myself.

I spent about 4 years shooting up heroin and doing any other drug I could get my hands on. Eventually I got to a point where I couldn’t afford to keep myself from being dope sick. Eventually I was able to get on suboxone, but it took me another year or two after getting on Suboxone before I truly got serious about trying to stay sober.

Right now, all I know is that something in my life needs to change. Getting sober was a good first step, but I need to do something about my mental health. Seeing my therapist helps but I need more support. I guess that’s why I’m here. Desperation for things to change. I’m willing to try about anything to escape the misery I have been stuck in on and off my whole life.

I’m currently coming out of a three week long depression where I barely left bed, barely ate, and slept almost all day and all night every day. I’m feeling off. I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling, but even though the depression is subsiding, I’m feeling off.

I’m blogging so I can keep track of what works for me, what doesn’t, and any progress I might make with being able to cope with my addiction and mental illness.

HERE’S HOPING!