Hello Everyone, this is Iris and I have been trying to figure this out for a while now… Here is the thing… Parts of my life are good and some of parts of my life are not.  And I imagine that this is fairly common for most of us?

~♥~

I do not know which words to use to express the relief that I feel on the inside,  Knowing, believing… believing that I am slowly becoming the person that I have always been meant to be.  And this is a relief, but parts of me are still perplexing, troubling and I am trying to figure where they fit.  You know, the parts of me that keep me up at night, the thoughts that derail the rest of my mind that I depend on for feeling normal.  I feel a need for some consistency and right now this is kind of up in the air…. Thanks to God for Bob the dog!! He helps me feel grounded (I will even put up with the slobber…. yuck!

~♥~

I don’t know who is it that I am attracted to.  These feelings seem to vacillate, never solidifying into something consistent and predictable.  Some days I feel one way and then the next day I feel another… it is continuously annoying.  And kind of fun.  🙂 I know it is people who seem genuine and kind who attract me…  And, they still need to earn my trust, but I want to believe that most people’s “default” setting is one of being kind and considerate.  ( Do I sound naive ?)   These are the people who step forward when they see something that they know is wrong.  Who have the strength to stand up to racist, sexist and anti LGBTQIAP+ assholes.  These are the people who I want to spend time with.  Who want to stop the ones who get aggressive, with words or with fists.  I will not stand for bullies, and those of you who know me… will understand why.  I am tired of being afraid, but I still am.  🙁

~♥~

But at the same time, although I am becoming more confident in who I believe myself to be.  I have a hard time believing that I will ever be comfortable enough in this body… to be intimate with another person.      —– EVER —–     I am alive and I have feelings… and yearn for that closeness and those delicious kisses.  And I will admit to the tingling feeling that spreads from my head to my toes, is intoxicating.  🙂

~♥~

Yes, Iris is slowly becoming more courageous… and I have been out on a few dates in recent months… (believe it or not!)  and discovered that Aaron and Melissa are both wonderful kissers… 🙂  I like how they hold my hand when we are out walking around. And that they are comfortable with me wanting to snuggle…. But not in bed, I do not know when that might ever happen… But like when we are on the couch together watching television or a movie, and they are comfortable with my arm over their shoulders, or my head in their lap… or holding hands on the bus.  These are the things that make me happy.  I am confident that I am a demi-sexual (sp?), I have to have some emotional connection with someone before I am attracted to them.  But at the same time I have these more base emotions for how I feel about them… more animalistic and instinctive.  Feelings that do not require thought, they just are.  Maybe I am just Horny? *

~♥~

Like… I love how it feels when they give me a hickey on the side of my neck… Wow!!  And Toes!  oh geeze, goddess bless those toes.. a quick scrub, some soft massage, a lick, nibble, lick, lick lick…. 🙂  OOhhh, just thinking about it makes my face feel flush.  Am I just weird?

~♥~

I look at someone and I think to myself…. I love how they look in that top, their smile and those boots.  And even more important, I like who I am when I am with them.  They help me feel more comfortable letting my emotions show.

~♥~

Like most of us, I am trying to find where I fit in.  Where should I look to find “my people”?

Sending all of you some giggly smiles, a warm hug, love and prayers – Iris