Gonna try and get this out before i leave again… i’ve been feeling so fed up with the inactivity of other people, i’ve started going out on my own. Yeah, that can be a good thing–and it has it’s draw-backs, too. i’m definitely learning more about humans and the lack of humanity, it seems, moreso than i realized. But, i’ve also met some really sweet, caring people, too. Yep, everything has it’s positives and negatives. It’s all a matter of perspective. Like most people who actually KNOW me, would probably say i’m acting a bit erratic or/and not being cautious. Well, i guess i’d have to say they’re right to a degree—i’ve learned a bit more, so i’m trying not to repeat the same mistakes, again. However, you can never truly be safe, can you? Unexpected things happen every day. We can’t prepare for everything that happens. It’s just not realistic. The best i can do is to prepare for the worst and continue hoping for the best outcomes… *sigh i’ve been thinking more about trying to actually locate my son. i don’t know if i’ll even go as far as to contact him, since he has my number, when he’s ready to talk. But, it’s hard not knowing where he’s located at, as well as being in the military. i know how the military works, though, so i’m trying to just be patient–or as patient as i can be–and remain as focused as i can be, to work towards my own goals of processing things. i may never understand what happened or why, but i have to keep trying to simply make some peace for myself, so i can do more than simply exist in this lifetime. i need an ounce of peace to show itself to me. i need to know i’m safe–or at least safer. i need to know my boys are safe(r). i need to see them, too, whenever possible. i don’t think that’s too much to ask. *sigh Just gotta keep hoping, for now….Hoping for subtle changes, if nothing else. Hoping for some semblance of answers. Hoping to find another residence where i can start my real life and enjoy some of what’s left of it. Is that all too much to hope for? Is it too much to ask for? Will it ever possibly even happen? —i don’t know. But, i have vowed to myself that i am gonna try. i have to find some enjoyment and peace.