I swear I'm alive. I thank you all for sending me messages being concerned about me since I haven't been on DT for a week or so.
School last week and this upcoming week is continuing to take over. Nursing school better pay off! After this week things will slow down for a good amount of time until final exams in December. Thank God.
As for good news, I've broken a record..kind of.I've been suffering with the depression for almost a year now; but at the start of joining DT I was in my deepest state of depression. Throughout the time here I have slowly worked out of the deepest stage but always seemed to slip back into depression when I thought I may be getting better. This past week, for the first time in months, I didn't have a breakdown. No out of the blue crying spells or anything. Crying myself to sleep every single night became a routine and I can't even describe how amazing it felt to break that routine this past week. Not having to fight through breakdowns in public was also an unbelievable feeling. I had one very very small depressive episode this weekend, but other than that I've been in the clear.
I really can't pinpoint exactly what has caused me to shift gear into a recovery state, but I have an idea. A lot of my depression has been caused by an overwhelming feeling of being lonely. This past week I've had more actual human interaction than I have had since being at college. I'm guessing this is why I've been more myself this past week. I just hope to continue to be able to have interaction with other people instead of hiding in my room every day not talking to anyone or going anywhere besides class. I'm finally starting to break that cycle.
It's sad to me that out of everyone I owe my recovery to the people in the depression tribe, rather than to my oblivious parents and friends. I couldn't thank you all enough for the support you have given me. A new friend I've met at college also has helped, and she has absolutely no idea what she has done for me just by hanging out with me. I've also found someone else, who has probably helped more than anyone. He has cured my loneliness in so many ways and I can't even find the words to thank him. It's amazing to know you have the support from someone and be able to give them your support in return.
My heart goes out to everyone in DT. Wouldn't be the same without you all <3