we're all alone in the end. really, we're alone from the very start we just didn't know it yet.

,

i read my ex-friend's text to me, and it just made me sink lower then ever before. 'she cares' bullshit. if she did she wouldn't have did what she did. she 'misses' me more bullshit.

.

even talking to kim things are heating up and I know i'm purposely pushing her away because I know what's to come, she'll leave me to. why should she put up with a problem that isn't hers?

.

i came to to world alone and i'll leave it alone. that I know for sure. i'm not some kid looking for attention i've been feeling this my whole life. I don't belong.

.

never have never will.

.

then mom gets me up at almost 4 in the morning to show me some bullshit shit that came also help with my surgery because another girl who was like 'me' got help from it.

.

my case was worse then hers, how does she know they can help me? HUH? she doesn't. i'm tired of her words most of all.

.

i might sound nasty but i'm sick of this, i've been to patient,to kind, to forgiving, to faithful and it's all fucked me over. i'm worse then when I started.

.

no one understands this, and they never will. honestly, LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE. I have that right! if I want to be 80 fucking pounds again I can, if I want to go lower I WILL;

.

i've been hitting myself all night because I can't sleep. I've taken a bunch of xanax and nothing. nothing has helped.

.

fuck everything, EVERYTHING.

.

GOD I don't even know what the point of this entry is for….whatever i'm done now. you can all ignore this like everything else i've said.

.

have a 'good' morning. (it is 4:10am after all)