I want to be a writer.

This is a dream of mine that will probably never become reality. I am completely aware of this. I’m not that good or anything. I just love to write all the time. I keep a journal, I blog on myspace, and now I’ve started blogging on here. The thing that scares me is all the rules for writing. I think that stupid and a hinderance. I think that a person should be able to express themselves fully, without having certain rules on how it should be done, when it comes to writing. Literary critique makes me want to do something with me life that will actually make a difference. Something where I don’t have to struggle to live. My other passion is music. I love playing acoustic guitar, and have even made up a few songs, words and everything. The great thing about songs is that they are brave enough to sing when all they know is darkness (Jamie Tworkski- TWLOHA). With stories, they demand an ending. But songs. Songs may be sang when everything is broken, when there isn’t exactly an ending.

Alot of times situations in life don’t have a clear ending. Alot of times life’s situations have ending that bleed into a new beginning. This is what I hope to accomplish this year. I seek a new beginning. But alot of stuff is ending, or struggling to die. I’m not quite ready to let go of some things. I’m scared. What am I scared of? I keep getting asked this question. I don’t know how to answer that. I wish Sanders understood. There really is no way I can make him understand. He understands more than most. But he still doesn’t understand.

Okay. I’m dealing with an “abusive” realtionship right now. I know, it’s easy just to say “Get out of it,” but it’s not that simple. I can’t just walk away. Why, you ask? I can’t even begin to explain. I don’t know what to say.

Maybe I’m not in an abusive realtionship. Maybe I’m just overreacting. He’s been this way. He loves me, he told me he did.

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:sad:If he loves me so much….why does he make me so sad all the time?