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I have a serious problem i cant speak i cant stand for myself the whole world is running over me because i am too afraid to speak up and express myself. Everytime i want to say something i freeze. I have no one its just me i stay inside my 12 by 12 effeciency sleeping for at least 14 hours out of a day working 8 hours at night i dont eat well dont take care of myself i just sleep and cry the most of the days i hate coming home from work because i hate being alone but i dont know where to turn i just want to lay down and not get back up i'm tired. Stressed from trying to live up to expectations that i feel like i once could. I only have two freinds weed and alcohol they're all i have to turn too when the times get tough i smoke and drink everyday because its tough everyday i want out i wish that this was a dream that i could wake up from and go back to normal. I dont have any happiness once so ever in my life the things that used to make me happy like music and basketball are all things of the past. they are nothing i have failed at life already at the age of 21. Where do i go i'm afriaid to turn to my parents because of what they will think of me. I haven't had any relationships for the past year and a new ones coming in. I cant communicate with anyone because of the way i feel any little thing could send me into a rage and cause me to just break down and become so frustrated to i'm at the point of shaking and breathing heavily. I just need some help if not help i just wanna go away and never come back again. I dont think i'm going to have what it takes to make it through another year im just so tired my mind isn't firing right maybe its the weed but i don't have anything or anyone else its just me. No one takes me seriously im a joke to my ex she plays with my mind on a regular basis but i don' t know what to do. I dont make enough money on my new job i got laid off from a great job for no reason at all i was a praised associate then im a laid off associate i lost my new car my apartment my girl my life i dropped out of college now my life is just coming to a sad end. it just seems i cant catch a break. It gets worse everyday. My two little bros look up to me but i cant even function correctly to enjoy them i just hurt all over my chest is tight my head hurts i hate life aint no love and no one can hear me!

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