I don’t understand life. I don’t understand how good people are allowed to suffer. I read the blogs of the people I’ve met on this website and it really does make me sad. You guys don’t deserve the bad hand that life dealt you.

Honestly, what is the point to it all? Like seriously?

Moving on, though, I’m still very confused on how I should feel about my situation. I miss my ex. I honestly do. At the same time, though, I feel betrayed by her. I also do not wish her happiness and I hope karma gets her. However, I feel bad for her. I know she goes through bouts of depression. I know she’s very scared and wary of life. She has this paranoia that life is out to get here. It’s a mix of feeling sorry for herself, but also being very damaged and carrying a lot of baggage she’s accumulated throughout life. I naturally want to take care of her, even as just a friend. I know I can’t right now. Especially knowing that she’s with another guy so quickly. This is probably one of my biggest struggles. I don’t know whether to hate her or want to get stronger so that I can still potentially help her. I do know I need to work on myself. One of my defense mechanisms is to break people down to feel better about myself. I know that it’s not as simple as people being good or bad. Very rarely is it that simple. It all depends on the perspective you’re looking at on if a person is good or bad. It also varies. People do good and bad things throughout their life.

Would love to hear any thoughts you might have on the subject matter. I’m always open to a new perspective

1 Comment
  1. delane 4 years ago

    My friend, i have to agree with both hawk and dyingtobefree. YOU have just as much right to happiness as your ex. Don’t you think? i believe you do. You’re a kind-hearted man who deserves so much better.
    i feel like some of us tend to feel like we deserve unhappiness or ugliness being done to us, because we feel like we’ve either done something (or several somethings) we’re not proud of.
    We’re all human. We all make mistakes. We all deserve some happiness and peace in our lives.
    From what you’ve said, i don’t think your ex is too concerned with your well-being—especially NOT like you are with hers. Please know that you matter and i think it’d be a good idea to look out for YOU for a bit….heal some….gather some further insight….take care’a you, for a change. ***Hugs***

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