I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard this line: “Can we still be friends?”. The answer is NO. I don’t know why men and women think that once a relationship has ended that friendship is an option. I have heard this some many times and have dumbfounded some men when I say : “no, we can’t be friends”. They look shocked and in some cases angry, but it’s the truth. I think the “let’s be friends” line is a cliché what is really meant is can we still talk, hang out, and maybe even have sex, even though I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. What “friends” means in this context is “I want to keep my options open so just in case I realize I’ve made a mistake I want to be able to step back into your life.”
I find this insulting in some situations for example, Sam* (I’ve changed his name) and I met at a military school and I ended up moving to the state he lived in (ok yes this was NOT my finest thinking moment). We got along great everything was good so I though. In retrospect he was providing clues that he was still in love with his ex-wife (who had since moved on after the divorce). Anyway, I didn’t want to see the clues and signs, I ignored them. We moved into a new house June 2006. On, July 3rd, 2006 I had arrive home early from work excited to go to IKEA. I walked in and upstairs was my boyfriend in bed with another woman!
Long story short I was upset and distraught. I needed to moving out into my own place and one of the lines this man used was “Chloe, I still want to be friends with you, you’re a great person.” WHAT, Oh no he DID NOT just say that! Yes this man wanted to be friends, I said I couldn’t, with friends like him I didn’t need enemies. Friends don’t betray and disrespect you is such a fashion. As Mama says “once you get yourself out of that mud puddle, don’t step back in it”.
Today we’ve both moved on I don’t call, see him, or would I consider myself his friend. Every once in awhile I will get an email from him and respond. However I would not describe our current relationship friendly. We don’t spend time together, we don’t hang out, we don’t go out to eat, etc. so in my mind we’re civil and act like adults but are not friends. Friendship may be possible for some just not for me in this instance.