I know I haven't really talked about my Pittsburgh trip yet.  I will.  I'm just digesting it.  Also, I start my new semester of school in the morning, and take my truck into the body shop on Tuesday, so things are a bit busy.

Anyway, I sent my wife this text while she was at work. "I'm making a small pork loin for dinner.  I assume you're going out tonight, but there should be enough for you if you want."  It seemed a fair assumption, as she has been going out every Sunday night for weeks. 

Since we just got back from a trip, I figured she would be taking her first opportunity to go see that dung heap she's been seeing.  Instead, she replied: "I hadnt pland on going out tonite, im going out tomorw nite, i could probably do both if u want. Or u could go out tonite. Or nobody could go out tonite.  The options r finite."

Now, if you merely look at the final line (and ignore the textspeech-style spelling, which I do not use), then it seems she's being a bit playful.  Listing off a bunch of stuff as if a big decision needs to be made, and saying that the options are finite is rather funny.  She's a very intelligent woman with (usually) a great sense of humor, so I am positive the 'finite' was intentional.

However, "i could probably do both if u want," is kind of a mystery.  Does she actually think I'm somehow fine with her seeing someone else?  Just because I've admitted that our relationship is doomed, and that she has moved on, does not mean that I have managed to move on.  I still wear the wedding ring because I still feel married.  When I pledged my love to be eternal and unconditional, I actually meant it.  Of course, I see now that her love was both conditional and fleeting, but that doesn't mean I can turn my feelings off like a switch.  Does she think I enjoy staying home while she's out all night?  Does she think my love for her and desire for her happiness extends to her dating life with other guys?  Fuck no!  I spend the whole time she's gone practicing breathing exercises so I don't vomit.  I repeat to myself that it would be wrong to drive to his house (easy to find) and hurt him. 

Anyway, my response was: "I don't have the energy to go out tonight.  I'll keep my opinion of you going out to myself.  See you when you get home."

Once she got here she ate dinner, tidied up the kitchen a little bit, and got on the computer while I helped our daughter with her math homework.  Once Alia went to bed we sat on the couch and she told me about her day at work.  She didn't ask me anything about my day (which was uneventful, but still. . .), and she went to bed.  I have to get up in just over 5 1/2 hours, but I'm wide awake.

9 more days until the 20th