Hey everyone! I've only posted once before when this last episode started happening. I wanted to share some background in the hopes that someone might relate to it. I used to have physical compulsions when I was a child like turning the light switch off and on ortouching something a certain number oftimes or repeating words. I would have obsessions like if I don't touch something, someone would get sick and die. When I was 15, I had this terrifying obsession of "what if I took a knife and murdered my family"?
When I was older, I began to have religious/philosophical obsessions, which were by far the scariest. I won't go into detail for the sake of other OCDers, but these thoughts, one in particular, are the ones that still comes back every now and then and the one I am struggling with now.
As I got older I outgrew most of the physical compulsions but I still might verbally say "stop" or "I do not accept that thought" outloud (by myself) or mentally say/pray these things, which, obviously, made the thoughts worse because I didn't actually realize that was a compulsion, thus, it reinforced the obsession and made it come back worse and more frequently.
I was diagnosed with Pure O officially when I was 21 and was hospitalized 3 seperate times over the course of 3 years. The last one was in 2008. I went to CBT and learned not to try to stop the thoughts but to kind of sit with the thought and let it "flow through". It has helped a lot even when I'm not on medication.
But this last obsession has come on strong so I went to the doc and he put me on 40mg Celexa a day, which I have never been on. After a couple days of taking it I had a baaaaaaaad panic attack, so I brought it down to 20mg for two weeks. Now I've been on 40mg for a week and I'm not really sure its working. I'm not constantly thinking about the obsessions anymore and have been using distraction, mostly reading, to help, but I just had another panic attack.
I'm gonna give it a few more weeks at 40mg to see if it helps. If anybody has experience with Celexa and/or philosophical obsessions, please feel free to share. It really helps to know you're not alone.