You know if you are going to call yourself a friend to someone then be it. Don't just say the words and assume it's true. Friendship is a two way street people it is built on love trust and understanding. Not that you just want more friends on facebook or twitter.

Since my OCD started to become this horrible living monster I have looked to my friends to be there for me. Now mind you I'm not asking them to understand this or go out and buy some book but I do expect them to at least ask how I am. Seriously it's not that difficult of a thing to do. There should be no excuse in the age of twitter, email, texting. Heck I even have google talk on my phone. There should be no excuse for this crap.

Out of all my friends only one has stepped up to help me with this and offered to set aside one day a week where we get together and just hang out or work on the fact that I don't do well in social situations or like to be touched. She doesn't even remotely get what the heck is going on with me but because she has a big heart she is willing to at least be by my side. I have know this girl for 2 years, 2 freaking years and she is the one that has the balls to be a friend.

My best friend the one that I was there for when her family disowned her for 4 years because she was living and having sex with someone out of wedlock. Every day I was there for her listening to her cry and telling her that family is who you choose and you don't have to choose them. I would drop everything to be there for her and I was even her maid of honor when she married the guy she was shacking up with. I love her and even though I am pissed if she needed me I would drive the 2 hours to her house right now. Yet since I told her I have OCD not one phone call. NOT FREAKING ONE! Seriously I have a social disorder and even I pick up the phone or text someone. I don't like to be around people but I suck it up because even if I do have OCD even if I do freak out when people touch me and spread obscene amounts of anti-bacterial gel on my body there is one thing that will always win out over all that. MY FRIENDS!

I will pretty much do anything for my friends as the are my family they are the people that I look at and say you are so much better then my biological family. Save for my mom of course because she is just down right the most amazing person in the world. So why is it that they are so self absorbed in their own life that they think they have the right to call me up and complain about how horrible their job is. THEN GET A DIFFERENT JOB! Seriously it's not hard I got one and I am not even from this city. The fact is you are terrified that you won't find one and you will be stuck at that place for the rest of your life. I'm sure you also believe you might deserve that. But do you want to hear that NO. You want me to tell you everything is going to be alright and it will work out for the best. You don't want to hear the hard truth that you are content to be put upon day in and day out and you really don't think you deserve better. Now I'm not saying I don't complain because I do its just a natural thing to vent about your issues in life but the difference is I make an effort to change it so I don't repeat the same pattern again and again. Yes I might not get it right the first 5 times but that doesn't stop me from at least trying.

I don't like to leave my apartment and I just got lost in a part of town I have never been in because they are are doing construction on the one highway exit I know to take to go home. I was crying and balling and just out of my head crazy till some nice people gave me directions. But you know I might have these horrible moments and I might not be able to do dishes any shorter then 45min. But what I have is treatable. What I have with work and time I can over come and I will be stronger for it. You people on the other hand that call yourself friend you will always be where you are you will always be whining and complaining that life is just so hard. You know what it is. It is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do but if you don't even try if you don't even attempt to get some handle on your life then yes you will always remain where you are that is just a fact.

I don't know when or if I will get better and this has been one of the worst and weirdest nights for me. But I know that even though I couldn't stop crying for about an hour I won't let this beat me. I will get past this and I will have a life and I guess make the hard choice of finding some friends who understand what that word actually means. I don't want to but life is all about change and sometimes change sucks.

  1. Garp 11 years ago

    That was an awesome post!  Will I can say that things will get better it just takes some time and also help.  You didn't say if you are taking meds or anything in your post?  If not, maybe that is something you should consider.  As far as friends go, most people just don't know how to deal with mental health issues and I think it is just awkward for them.  Trust me I've been dealing with it most of my life.  People just don't understand that us OCDers just want someone there to be around to listen to us.  We don't expect them to have the anwers or anything we just need to be listened to.  I found a good pdoc years ago who has made a huge diffrence in my life.  He actually listens and we have a very good relationship.  Once I started working with him things became much clearer.  I would encourge you to do the same.  Hang in there.  It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom, that is more than some people have.   

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  2. BritishTuesday 11 years ago

    I am taking meds and I have an amazing psycologist who is working with me. But all of this is in the very early stages as I just started seeing her in February. I really am trying to give my friends the bennifit of a doubt and reach out to them just to hang out but sometimes its hard when you are the only one reacing out. But ya I do have my mom and she is truly amazing and willing to drive 2 hours to do my dishes. I told her that kind of defets the purpose of getting better but I love that she would do it none the less.

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  3. Garp 11 years ago

    Yeah your mom driving two hours to do your dishes isn’t good.  BUT, your mom driving two hours to watch you do the dishes is awesome; that’s support.  My mom sure as hell wouldn’t do that for me. What meds are you taking?

    One thing I know for certain is that ppl with OCD have high expectations of what a “friendship” should be like, and other ppl just can’t meet those demands sometimes.  When I was doing therapy, my theripist use to tell me that I needed to lower my expectation some so I wouldn’t get hurt so often.  But of course it is a very hard thing to do if you have OCD.  I sure you know that though. 

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  4. BritishTuesday 11 years ago

    Ya my mom is pretty great as she did watch me do the dishes today which was an interesting experience to say the least but was finished. As for meds I'm on welbutrin which does help since before them I was a lot worse. I also think you are right about the whole high expectations of friends. I probably should lower them a bit and just realize people are people and we all have our own stuff going on. It just gets hard I think when you have OCD and you feel so completely alone sometimes.

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