Today has been a good day. I took the kids to breakfast and stuffed myself silly. Even though my anxiety was kinda high I still enjoyed myself. Then we went to Sam's club and did some grocery shopping. Surprisingly I wasn't feeling overly anxious about it being very crowded. Normally I shop online and pick up at the store because grocery shopping is a huge anxiety trigger for me, but today I just felt okay, calmer. I mean, my stomach was in knots but I didn't have an anxiety attack so that's a plus. I feel happy and accomplished that I was able to shop and not freak out.

Then I went to the doctors office and paid my bill. They wouldn't even schedule my first visit until I put some money towards it (which sucks) but I was able to do that today. I had to take the kids with me to do that and there's a big sign on the door that says something to the effect of psychiatric and counseling services… and my kids are old enough to read. No, they know nothing of my condition. Well, not the diagnosis anyways. So I was feeling very anxious about bringing them there, but neither one asked or even mentioned it. Not sure why. But they just didn't.

Then more shopping because I needed some containers and a few odds and ends that Sam's didn't have. Again, anxiety but no anxiety attack. Came home and checked the mail and I had gotten a letter from the doctors office and they had an appointment set for me with the same counselor who did my intial eval which I am happy about. He was very nice and I felt comfortable with him during the eval, so yay for that.

The evening was more difficult, but I think I overdid myself today and was just on edge. I don't regret it though, the day itself was nice and the kids had fun getting out and eating and shopping with me.

The bad from today in short order. I was obsessing while driving today when a car was following me too closely. I do this every time it happens. I assume they are going to hit the back of my car and we are going to die. I actually play the scene out in my head and I get fearful and very angry. More on that another day. I also obsess over my kids having their seatbelts on and my oldest child commented on this today. I freak out about it being positioned right, about it being cllicked in properly, about it being put on… I am just very obsessive about the seatbelt issue. I am having a hard time seeing this as an unhealthy obsession, but maybe it is. I was also very angry this evening over an issue that I would rather not go into. It involves another adult in my life and I just have to remember that I cannot control them and I am obsessing over what should be and not what is. Thankfully I have a wonderful fiancee who is kind and patient to talk me through these issues.

And that was my day. How was yours?


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