This week I’ve been going on college visits with the fam. We’re looking for schools for my brother and sisters, both juniors in high school. Looking at colleges at times is interesting, but for the most part it makes me so sad.
I’m a sophmore in college, but I’ve left for a semester because I couldn’t hack it. I don’t know if I can go back there. I don’t want to quit because parts of the school I really like. On the other side though I have a lot of bad memories there and the people there I’m still "friends" with…I just have to accept that I can’t trust them to not pull the same shit again. I feel like if I go back, I’ll be putting myself in a situation where I’ll be pressured to stay with people who trigger the worst of my depression because I’m shy and haven’t made any other friends there. I just feel so tainted there, my mistakes or embarrassments replay in my head. I go on these college tours and it makes me so sad to see all these kids who have their whole college careers ahead of them.
I feel like it is too late to start over. I’ll be a junior in the fall, somehow my college career is half over and it feels like I’ve just started. I don’t want to spend more than a summer in community college and I don’t click with any of the colleges in my area.
At times like these, I feel so much anger towards friends back at college, and I don’t want to go back and make nice. I want to never speak to them again, even though if push came to shove I could go back and put on a face. I don’t know what to do..if it’s not too late already to apply to colleges for the fall. I could really use some advice or your take on this whole thing, especially if you’ve gone through something simillar..I’d really appreciate it