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Today my husband has an interview. He will be out of the house much of the day because of it. The kids are reviewing their latin lessons because I have let that class slide for a few months. Then I am going to send them outside to play and wear themselves out. I need some time today to just sit quietly and not deal with the kiddos. I can hear them as I do laundry but I wont have to do much for them if they are playing. They need to let off some steam and play too. Its good for them.

I let my family know yesterday that I was moving to Kansas for the summer. As expected my Grandma was upset but I did my best to reassure her that it would be ok. My mom and my husbands parents didnt care. My sister just assumes it will be ok because in her eyes I can do anything lol.

Last week one of the people I used to think was my friend texted me (on Tuesday) and asked how I was. I asked her to please call me so I could explain why I was going to Kansas and update her. Its just too much to text. I didnt hear anything for two days so I texted her on Thursday just to make sure she had gotten my text. My phone has been acting up and I wasnt sure she had received it. Apparently she had but was too busy. I left it at that.

Today I got a couple texts from her asking about Kansas. Of course today is Tuesday again. On Tuesdays she has a very boring day. I am starting to feel a bit used. She only wants to talk to me on Tuesdays. It feels a lot less like she cares about me and more that she is using me to ease her boredom. I have yet to respond to her texts. Like I said…..its all too much to explain with a text and she cant call me on Tuesdays until the evening but I am 90% sure she wont call even if I ask again. I think she just wants me to entertain her during her boring Tuesdays. 🙁

I often wonder if I am just not fast enough or mature enough for friends. I wasnt allowed to really practice making friends as a child. It takes me a long while to get comfortable with someone……a lot longer than it seems to take everyone else. When I do make a friend I assume that the friendship will be for a long time, many years. It seems that I'm the only one who assumes that as well. Often about the time that I am feeling comfortable in the friendship……the friendship has reached its expiration date according to the other person. The world doesnt help either. It seems to always get in the way somehow. Logically it would seem that I am just not friend material and should give up on that. Mostly, I think I have but there is still a part of me that just cant quite give up hope entirely.

Today I am washing my blankets and sheets to stick in the camper. That way they will be fresh. I believe that I have gotten everything done, all appointments, documents, tests, etc…. So today I am just waiting to hear if there is something I have forgotten to do and waiting for my license to come in the mail. The lady I talked to yesterday said she believed that she would stick my license in the mail yesterday. I am hoping I get it tomorrow.

In the last year I have wanted to be intimate much more often than my husband. We have lived in this house well over a month and he has yet to touch me that way. Is it the extra weight? Does me taking antidepressants make me too damaged in his eyes? If he no longer loves me that way why didnt he let me divorce him in January?

I have tried many times to seduce him. We've talked about it. I am tired of trying, being told no thanks and feeling so bad. I have a feeling that if I wait for him we will never be intimate again. Here we are…….I am going to leave for 13 weeks and he still doesnt want to do anything. LoL Makes a girl feel rather unattractive you know.

Time to go fill the dishwasher and start the laundry. Thanks for listening to me vent. I hope you all have a great day today!!!

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