I went to a dj party tonight (it was to raise funds for a local social group). Someone I knew gave me a hug for showing up . She was a friend of a friend, and months earlier I had written a short note to her when I had heard she was feeling depressed. I had told her how I admired her for trying to find herself despite the costs to home life. I also let her know how I had overheard a bit of wisdom she had lent to my friend and how it had made a difference to me.

Anyhow, she greeted me with a hug tonight and then realized I didn't recognize her. I had only met her a couple times, but she was someone I should have remembered. But that's me. I don't remember names and faces well, and I am socially awkward. I lamely said "how you been" but I could not remember her name, did not recognize her face, and she knew it.

Would you consider a complimentary note from someone as sincere, when they can't even remember your name?

I have no 'intentions' towards this woman (or anyone for that matter), but I am trying to find a community of friends and acquaintances that I can be comfortable with and it feels like it will never happen when these type of things happen. It makes things very awkward for me and leaves me with a feeling of failure.

Despite it all, one very good thing came of this night. Two young guys saw me kind of grooving to the music at the doorway, away from the crowd. One asked if I was going to get out and dance. I told him no, I wasn't too comfortable about it. I asked him if was going to get out there, and he said maybe, and his friend said to him to wait til the dance floor filled, so they didn't look stupid dancing. It really clicked for me at that moment. There I was at their age, thinking the same way, wasting my moments for fear of what others might think of me.

I told the first guy to get out there and just have fun, go ahead and do it, and screw what people thought. They didn't dance right away, but it was good to hear myself say what someone should have urged me to do years ago. Maybe my little urging will plant a seed for those two, maybe not, but here's hoping they get thru those early social years better than I did.

Re the friend of a friend, I'm thinking of buying her a coffee just to say thanks for the hug, to say sorry for the forgetfulness and explaining what I just explained here. I'm thinking of doing this because I do think I owe her a thank you and sorry, but also because she's interesting. Not interested in dating or romance with anyone, but am interested in making friends.

I welcome any comments from the peanut gallery. Does my coffee call make sense, cause though it feels like a nice gesture, will it be perceived that way?


  1. JipCJeanne 11 years ago

     Fear is a crippling emotion I know. And it's good that you recognized that other people have that same fear and deal with it in different ways. I find people watching makes me realize these things. People aren't as uptight over things as we think they are.

    As far as remembering names, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I might of said "thanks for the welcoming but I'm sorry, I forgot your name". People are very forgiving for being human. We sometimes over think things and it really doesn't matter to the other person.  

    I think the coffee idea is a good one! In fact, tell her the story about your worries here, and you both will probably get a bit of a laugh over it and she will accept you for an honest individual and a friend.

    Best of Luck!


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  2. Solo_Hans 11 years ago

    Thank you folks.

    Good comments.


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  3. Solo_Hans 11 years ago

    Weird how the world works sometimes.

    Today, as I walked towards university, I decided to stop for a coffee. As I was typing up a text to a friend, that same woman whose name had lost me the night before popped in front of me and gave me a hug. She was there with her guy friend, so I got to do a little apology and a thanks for the hugs.

    Odds of that happening… very slim.

    Someone up/out there must have read this post beyond we corporeal types.

    Peace tout le monde




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