Growing up, I always knew I was different. I was raised in a 4 person traditional family: one mom, one dad, a brother, and myself. By the 5th grade I began to feel attracted to women. I managed to suppress those feelings until I was about 14 years old when I met my first girlfriend. I was careful, and hid the relationship from my parents until I was 16 years old. One evening, I mustered up the courage to tell my parents. I’d say things to myself like, “It’ll be ok, my parents will love me no matter what.” Right? Well, that’s what they are supposed to do anyway. I found out very quickly that my perception was all wrong. I was rejected. When they thought I liked guys, I had their love and affection. After they realized that wasn’t my reality, I was treated as if I were contagious. I was alienated, and my belief system was shaken to its core. I felt completely alone. I came to the painful realization that I had to depend on myself to find love, inner peace, and happiness. The rejection of my parents continued to haunt me. Eventually my girlfriend and I parted ways during my junior year of high school. There were several other relationships with women, and they all ended in heartbreak. At 18, I met the man who is now my ex-husband. I suppressed those feelings and desires for women and spent 14 years with him. My parents suddenly embraced me again. It felt good, but I knew deep down that they were proud of me for “acting straight.” The pain never went away. During our relationship, we had 3 beautiful kids. Before they were born, I never saw myself having children. However, they are 3 of the best decisions of my life. Fast forwarding, I still had a very strong attraction to women throughout my marriage. I kept it buried deep, in effort to keep my little family together. I endured years of emotional and mental abuse. Inside, I felt sad and empty because I wasn’t being true to myself. About a year ago I landed my dream job, and met the woman that completely changed my trajectory. After meeting her she breathed life into me. She gave me the strength to leave my husband. Although divorce is hard for everyone involved, I knew my kids deserved better and so did I. I got my own apartment, and my ex and I have established shared parenting. The divorce was official in May. Considering we were seperated for 8 months prior to the divorce, this was a huge victory. The kids are adjusting well, I live in their school district to facilitate as much normalcy as humanly possible. This past year has been a true whirlwind of self discovery. I’ve learned to so much about life, loss, and love. I’ve learned to make myself a priority. There are still a few more dramatics that complicate things though. I had to come out to my parents once again. They want nothing to do with my new relationship, but occasionally make arrangements to spend time with the kids. My girlfriend has never had children, and never had intentions of having any herself. She entered the relationship knowing that I was a mom, and even found my role as a parent attractive. I am completely head over heels, stupid in love with this woman. The kids adore her too. She takes an interest in them, and does things that their father never even stepped up and did. However, I am concerned about what the future holds for us as she has expressed that she is unsure that she can live with children. She says that she loves and cares for them. Currently we live separately, kind of stuck in this weird relationship pergutory. Really just not sure where we are going. If it ever came down to an ultimatum, of course I will always choose my children. No question! She expresses an interest in trying to build a future with me an the kids. Just isn’t sure about logistics. Are there any other folks out there in a same sex relationship while raising kids? Or have you been in one? I keep looking for resources, but have come up empty handed. I apologize for the long winded story. Thanks for reading!
Vellenwood, , LGBT, Career, Child, Divorce, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Parenting, Questions, Relationships, Sex Therapy, 0