Been feeling down today.  Not wanting to do much of anything.  All I’ve been doing is sitting around watching television, reading, playing on the computer and sleeping.  Yes, i know I should go out but I just don’t feel like it.

Due to low census at work, I got called off today and put on call in case I was needed later on.  In all honesty that was fine by me.  i was depressed when I was getting ready for work so being told I didn’t need to come in due to low census was a good thing.

So I’ve been self medicating with Ativan, chocolate, and sleep.

So tomorrow, well later today since it’s now Tuesday I have to go in for a physical/drug test/TB test at the hospital where I’m going to be doing my internship at next semester.  I had my doctor write me a letter saying I’m Ativan for "continuous maintenance" or something like that.  I forget how he phrased it.  Anyway, I asked him to write the letter so it would cover my butt when my drug test comes up for benzos.  I’m also taking the pill bottle with me just so they know I’m taking it legit and not recreationally.

Speaking of my doctor, I wish he was in this week, but he’s on vacation.  I need something done for my mood.  I’m not sure what, but something needs to be done  I’ve been having thoughts of killing myself.  I would never follow through on them but I don’t like having them anyway.  I think it has something to do with the fact that I had to come off my mood stabilizer a few days ago.

Anyway, I’m going to go read for a little bit and then go to bed. Later.

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