my laptop keeps refreshing and I lose what I write …. so bare with me

I went to a talk last week from a local man who wrote a book on how he " beat " anxiety and ocd. Basically he says that doctors told him he would have to take meds and have this for his entire life but he could learn to manage it but through positive thinking and some method of positive thinking ( discussed in the book say..the secret if your familiar with self help books) . Anyways basically whatever you put out into the universe is what will come back to you.

I bought his book … $20….I went to his talk $30 … I'm more confused and frustrated then I was before I went.

In theraphy right now I'm learning about thought stopping and changing how I look at things . Similar right ?

Wrong… why is it working so well for this guy …. how the hell does he manage to stay so positive about everything in his life ? I've tried to put a positive spin on things since starting it at sessions now for a month roughly … Im to the point where things are so negative putting a positive spin on them wouldnt really make a difference because somethings only going to happen to counter act it lol

One thing i did agree with was that you need not beat yourself up over your disorder or think it's a curse that you should embrace it and look at it as a blessing … I think about how much better of a person I have actually become becuase of how bad a person my OCD and it's thoughts make me out to be.

Me and the guy I was with when I had a break down and went for help ( we were together 7 years) broke up roughly 6 months ago. I've been trying my hand at dating something which if you think about my age and the fact I just got out of a 7 year relationship you would realize I never really got the oppertunity to do a whole lot of when I was younger. Its scary and discouraging . I over think it because in the back of my mind I'm always thinking when this person finds out my "issue" are they the kind of person who is going to support me or is this person going to run for the hills . Its fine and dandy they see the funny, outgoing ,quick whitted ,open minded party girl who tries to be there for everyone else but what about when my thoughts have me curled up on the couch shaking having an anxiety attack… what then … how do you explain this to someone new in your life ? how do you put this on someone else .

anywyas thats enough of a rant for today and a drop off my mind .