Right at this moment im so frustrated…… I can handle my boyfriends death better than handling my 4 yr old daughter today… what is wrong with me… i feel as if im constantly yelling, fighting and screaming to be heard by her….i try to stay clam but it doesnt matter, i try to look the other way and just let it go… but i keep on getting pushed… I've been clean for over 3 yrs and my daughter doesnt understand that im growing up with her… My parenting skills suck it seems most of the time… i remember with my 1st born, how i'd drink a beer to stay clam, or smoke a bowl to hide… I work full time to support my family alone, and i work full time at being a mom…. i drop off at the sitters in the morning, pick up after work, and start the frustration all over again until around 10pm every night it seem like….. she does things on purpose, things she knows she's not suppose to do, like let the dog out of the fence, or tease the dog, or throw things at the dog or anyone else… and guess what… daily she does atleast 3 of those things over and over again…. Anger due to not having any control!!!!!!!!! Fucking sucks… i sometimes wonder what would be better a mom loaded and letting go or a mom yelling all the time to be heard… its a battle that i dont feel that im albe to win. struggling to be heard without back up… every parents worst nightmare coming to life… disrespectful, yelling, tantrum throwing, not listening, child… funny sounds like me when i was her age… so is that what i have to look forward to, her becoming me… i pray not…. i dont wish what i have gone thru on my children. So what is a mother to do… call the dad.. unable, he's in prison…. find her a new daddy… yeah right, far from it, she's my child, a gift from God there's no way i could expect any man to come into our lives and have my back, my girls have no idea what the meaning of "father" is so i think and really believe that it would make things worse than they are…. so here i sit… daughter screaming from the bedroom wanting me to come to bed…… whats a girls suppose to do when copping with a death is easier than copping with a 4 yr old?