Anxiety sucks, anxiety blows
Thought I'd put that out there, just in case you didn't know
Relapses are a bitch
Trying your strength until you almost itch
Still learning how to make it through stress
Not the smartest idea to go back to "What I do best"
Who knew it could all start by one day not having time for breakfast
Leading me on to a liquid energy drink fast
Today things seem better, but I amost couldn't push through the urge
Ride the anxiety like a tidal wave, they tell me, it'll mellow down after the surge
Glad I have love, family, strength and God on my side
I think I'd crash and burn if on those sources I couldn't rely.
I was getting good at coping with the idea of "being healthy", but one day I wake up and that becomes the weaker part of me.
I tell myself it won't get out of control, it won't be like the last time, but I know what to do to get anxiety off my mind.
I find myself yearning, almost, to go back- keep reminding myself what my life would lack
Sure, I'd "Have control", and I'd keep striving for the perfect body, but that's pretty much the only side of me anyone would ever see.
I had no thoughts, other than what, when and how to eat, rules, restrictions, mental and physical complications.
I wasn't fun, I had no feelings. It became almost like a religion, there is so much in life that I never knew I was missing.
Not sure what my family would do if I ever went back. Would they give up on me, or fight effortlessly yet again to save my ass?
I just want the body and the bones back, all the other negitivity my life could lack.
I am not sure where this drive and desire is coming from or why it is so strong, I just know I thought I was done and somhow only feels part wrong.
What would Jeremy think, what would he do? Would this disease cause us to split from one into two?
I never knew that after feeling so strong I'd have to fight and try; I will tell you this, tears still don't come when I want to cry.
I wonder when the body image gets better, when I'll be able to shed tears at will, if I'll ever get by on not taking pills.
If I am for once taking my medication regularly, why do these feelings always return to me?