I came out to my Wog, Catholic parents about a month ago. They started setting new rules for me such as:
- Can’t see my girlfriend much (when I do, I only have an hour max)
- If I say I’m with one of my friends I must provide proof that I am with that person at all times (They can ring me at any time and they must be able to hear who I am with)
- All my schoolwork needs to be completed at the dining table (in the middle of the noise of my dogs, birds and my parents cooking dinner)
- I can’t message or facetime my girlfriend while I’m doing schoolwork (affected by the next rule)
- All my technology has to be out of my room and in the kitchen by 10 and I must be in bed by 10:30 at the latest (including nights I train for baseball, karate, my own training and when I have mas amounts of schoolwork to do including my assignments and my year 12 Major work or study)
- I can not mention her name or talk about her to them or in front of them
- I can not wear her clothing or her jewellery at my house or have anything of hers in my room visible to my parents (including things she buys for me specifically)
- If I “piss my mother or father” off enough, they will tell me to break up with my girlfriend
- Can not mention me being bisexual or anything about the LGBT community as it “rubs it in” to my parents when they have not yet adjusted (which is kinda hard, especially considering a unit for CAFS is on the LGBT community and also the women baseball team that I play for is full of lesbian and bisexual women. Last season, in a team of 16 there were only 2 straight girls, 3 if you include me being confused)
- My grades can not slip
- I can not have photos of my girlfriend, or my girlfriend and I anywhere where my parents can see them
I have found ways to go around their rules and still talk to my girlfriend and see her as much as possible.
- I suddenly have to buy a book for my PIP or something for school, or for this week, I need to buy a baby shower gift, so I have to go to the shops so may as well see her at the same time so I’m not alone as my other friends “are not allowed at the shops” and it is just easier for me to go on my own when my parents are at work
- My friend brings another friend with them and we stay in a generalised location so I can “prove” I am with who I say I am with
- I can’t really get around this rule, so I just play music and do what I have to do
- I still do, I just make it really discreet, I asked my best friend to buy one of those privacy screens off amazon so they can’t see my screen and I just have my brightness down really low
- Meanwhile, MY technology has to be out of my room and in the kitchen by 10:30, they never said anything about the old Samsung phone that we had as a spare that “suddenly went missing last year” (I took it ages ago when our first dog had to get put down because there were photos of her on there, But now I use it for my girlfriend) Also, my parents have kinda forgotten about my iPad, apple watch (that I paid for) and my AirPods (that I also paid for)
- This rule, I can’t get out of. Although I never really talk about the person I’m dating with my parents anyway
- Her chain that I wear, I found it at school, her bandana, necklace, bracelet, shirt, hoodie and teddy she gave me, I keep them hidden. Along with the teddys she buys me and the things I buy her
- I just stay out of trouble as much as I can, be really careful not to get caught with anything. It helps knowing I have my sister and my cousin on my side helping me out as much as possible.
- This rule never really affected me in the first place, never really spoke about it. However as for my CAFS unit, during parent-teacher interviews, my teacher bought it up and showed them on the syllabus where it was so it was okay
- My grades have always been mid-range, They’ve stayed the same. I do as much as I can during my free periods and recess and lunch at school.
- I respect this rule as much as possible, however, in most recent times I have included my girlfriend in my laptop background and made a collage of all my friends and family for my background, not just her. Other than that, I keep the rest of the photos I have with her and of her hidden.
Surprisingly, even with these rules that I find absolutely ridiculous, my girlfriend and I are still together, still going strong and we are both very much in love with each other. We always joke around together saying that we’ve been together since 2017 when we met as we both liked each other but were both too scared to admit it. But also we joke around about how lesbians tend to move fast stereotypically speaking, so, one week together is a month and a month, is a year. That is what we both say to people who say we are moving fast.
I feel bad for the way I’ve been treating my parents with their first initial rules regarding my sexuality and my girlfriend. But at the same time, this is who I am and they have to get used to it and respect it.
As weeks have gone on, my mum and I have gotten better, our relationship is back to somewhat normal, however, some days it can be hard to hold a conversation with her and she can’t really look at me. It’s still awkward at times. My dad, however, he acts like he is fine but I can just tell that he isn’t approving and not getting used to the fact that I am gay.
And if I thought it was just my head or I was overthinking…getting my dad to pick me up from work and talking to him about it in the car confirmed my thoughts.
I work at a pizza-pasta restaurant about 5 minutes away from where I live.
On Saturday, I started at 5:00 pm, done late and finished at 12:10 am.
On Sunday, I started at 5:00 pm, done late again and finished at 10:45 pm.
Saturday came, I was on the phone to my girlfriend at the time until I got in the car to go to work. I was careful and quiet, I said bye to her when I was in my room, my parents were outside in the back garden. The whole way there, my dad didn’t speak to me, not even the usual “bye have a good night at work call me when you’re mopping so I can pick you up”. I didn’t even get a bye. When he came to pick me up, again, it was awkward with my dad. Trying to get a conversation with him was a struggle. I thought it was just because he was tired as it was so late, but then when I got home, he continued watching TV in the lounge room instead of his room. He didn’t go to bed until around 1:30, I was still awake, he didn’t even say goodnight to me.
Then it was finally Sunday. He was fine with me until I asked him if he was okay. He just had that look on his face. His nose was scrunched, his eyes were narrowed, his mouth was pouted but in the way he does it only when he’s angry. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. He doesn’t know the password to my laptop and it was closed, plus, my iPad was dead. So it’s not like he could have seen anything from or of my girlfriend. All her hoodies and stuff were also hidden under my pillows and blankets.
At first, I thought it was because he found out I started spiking my coffee’s for school. But it couldn’t have been that. I had my own bottle that my friend bought me and I had that hidden. When I asked if my mum was asleep and he said yes, I said good. Purely because of how awkward it is between us, also I had a pasta and a pizza and felt bad that I couldn’t give any to her as it wasn’t gluten-free. When I said this to my dad, he focused primarily on the fact that I said it was awkward.
The conversation we had disappointed him. I asked him why he was angry when I had said it was awkward with mum, he asked why I think it is and all I said was my girlfriend’s name. Immediately, my dad followed by saying
“So you know what the issue is, so what are you going to do to fix it?”
All I said was that I had to wait for it to be accepted. My dad claimed that I wasn’t doing the right thing. To this, I said…
“If you’re claiming I break up with E**** I’m not doing that”
He then asked me why. Claiming I’m putting her before my family.
I used to think my dad accepted it and liked my girlfriend. Until I said…
“Because I’m not going to ignore who I am, ignore my feelings, ignore what makes me happy and I’m not going to hurt her and myself”
To which my father replied, “so I’m interpreting that you’re a lesbian” before slamming his car door as we pull into the driveway, making my dog’s bark, waking my mum.
This whole time I thought my dad was the one who accepted me and my relationship, but clearly he can not accept the fact that I am gay and that I am in a very happy and healthy relationship with my best friend, my girlfriend.
I plan on moving out next year. I’ll be 18. I would have finished my HSC. My parents can no longer tell me what to do. When I spoke to my cousin about me moving out because of how my parents are reacting and treating me, to my surprise, she understood and fully supported me in my decision. My sister is the only one of my immediate family that supports me.
I want to tell my grandparents but I have to wait for my own parents to accept it. I already know how my grandparents will react.
My grandmother who is in her 70’s and is still working at Bunnings in paints and gardening, she will be the type of grandmother that will take my girlfriend and me to pride. She would be the grandmother that would be so proud and so happy to go around with my girlfriend and I and say “this is my youngest granddaughter and her girlfriend”. My grandmother would love my girlfriend.
My grandfather, He won’t understand what it means for me to have a girlfriend that I am romantically involved with. To him, the girlfriend of a girl is just a really close friend, A Sheela. (Oh btw I’m Australian).
My Nonno and Nonna both died before I was born. But they’d react the same way they would to finding out I have an eating disorder. They wouldn’t understand, they’d be disappointed.
I already know that when I come out to my family, I’m going to be rejected by my family, my dads side particularly. I have 2 cousins on my mum’s side that’s gay. Well we think 2, We know one for sure, my cousin whos closer to my age, he hasn’t come out but everyone thinks he is. I have a feeling some of my mum’s side would reject me too, mainly the older and more old school family members, but that’s it.
I have to wait for my parents to accept the fact that I am gay before I come out to my family. I don’t know when that’ll happen, But all I can say is now, I am so excited for that day to come where they do accept it. I can’t wait for that day, and if that day doesn’t come. Then I can’t wait to get the hell out of here.