Things have gotten so much worse over the past few weeks, but like I always do, I found some loopholes so I’m not completely trapped. It’s getting extremely difficult for me to stay in touch with my online friends because both of my parents don’t want me to be on any of my socials and my dad even blocked most of them.

But it’s weird because I’ve been talking to this guy(as usual) and I don’t want to say this but I like him and he likes me back. But it’s not normal because I usually talk about boys all the time but this time I don’t feel like it. It’s like he’s too special for the universe to know about or something. And he’s 2 years younger than me, which doesn’t seem to be an issue, but if it was, I literally wouldn’t mind waiting for him to turn 18 before we turn into a thing if that’s what he wants. He’s worth waiting for. Which is probably cute:)

So I guess things are going okay. My dad and I haven’t yelled at each other in a week and a half, and I’m surprised that I can actually not hate him. It’s nice. maybe that’s just because I have a significant other again, who knows.

I’m honestly trying to be better this time. It’s not like I wrecked the relationship last time(with my ex) but I’ve always felt like a liability, or a grenade, or, better yet, a brick. It is a burden and if you drop it or it gets thrown at you it hurts a lot. I feel like if I let people get close to me I’m just going to hurt them or break them, so I push everyone away. But some people are stronger than me and stay anyway, which I need because I get lonely too. Anyway, I want to start believing that I’m not a liability so I’m working on that.

Love,

Aquazium